When I give in, I am also acting within the belief that ‘I
deserve to be able to relax at times and fully enjoy myself’. I believe that weed can give me something
that I don’t already have in that it can give me a feeling of being relaxed, a
feeling of feeling good and tingly, and make everything more interesting and
exciting, as if weed and the experience of being stoned can give me something
more than what and who I am already.
Yet, what I am starting to see is that the high of weed just
activates my mind into like a ‘buzz’ where I am just kind of buzzing / thinking
/ worrying / feeling all the time for no reason at all, and so therefore the
‘pleasure’ that I feel while stoned is more related to the point that being
stoned activates thoughts, feelings, and emotions kind of like on auto-pilot
and thus energy is being activated and created constantly while stoned, and
this is probably where the term ‘buzz’ came from because the mind while stoned
is like buzzing. It’s like weed just
activates my mind into like a constant low-level frenzy for a few hours and
then goes away; and therefore, I have defined my experience while stoned as
fun, feeling good, and exciting when really I am just defining / judging the
energy experience of being stoned as ‘good’.
So, there you have it, being stoned is an energy experience
of the mind. It’s like, activating a
constant physical feeling / mental thinking experience of the mind and thus
energy is created for the duration of the high and that energy experience of
feeling a bit tingly, feeling excited and no longer bored, feeling like eating,
enjoying eating more, and the experience of interacting while stoned as if it
is more fun than usual – all come together as one over-all experience that I
have defined as ‘really living’, ‘really relaxing’. I have also taken ownership of this point where like I believe
that I have this ‘right’ to experience myself this way and then thus ‘give in’
to my desire to smoke. It’s also seeing
everyone else smoke that activates all this back-chat where I talk myself in to
finally taking that hit; and it’s not like I can just not go around these
people in order to support myself to stop here – these people are family and
thus I am always facing this point.
The interesting point is that I have been approaching the
stopping of smoking weed with using resistance based upon my judging smoking
weed as ‘bad / wrong’. Translated, this
means that I have been using mind energy to try and stop the mind energy
addiction of weed. This will not work
in the long run. Sure, I can resist for
a while, but resistance is an energy experience of the mind and can only take
me so far. So, its like, I have seen
that being stoned is an energy experience, of the mind, and the solution is to
resist – but, one can only resist to a certain point and then, like a muscle
reaching its max weight that it can handle, I will break and give into the
desire to smoke. And I will just take a
little bit. One hit, just enough to get
a little high, but not too much. Using
this point as also a justification.
So, the key to stopping weed and any form of addiction is
definitely not to judge that point that one is trying to quite as ‘bad’ and
then go into resistance which is a pure energy attempt and solution to an
energy problem. You see, the substance
of weed activates my mind into a certain experience. The act of quitting through resistance is also another mind
experience. Both are energy
experiences, and obviously the energy experience that is more fun will win out eventually. So, the key to stopping weed and any form of
addiction is to sort out the addiction and find out what it is giving to you
that you are not already living as yourself; and also sort out all the memories
and self-definitions that one has associated with this point – so that you can
release yourself from all of this and also align yourself to live those very
points that you have separated yourself from within the point of that you have
created yourself as addicted to a substance that is giving you something that
you have separated yourself from.
For instance, I hold the belief that ‘I am really living and
really relaxed and able to enjoy myself while stoned.’ So, I have not been living enjoyment and
relaxation as who I am in every breath already and instead have been looking
for the fulfillment of those points in substances and experiences outside of
myself. Thus, because I have not been
living these points and also have placed positive values and judgments upon
them, I have created within and as myself the desire for certain experiences
and substances to give me those experiences.
Then, to add to that, I have attempted to stop weed through resistance,
but resistance is just another energy creation of the mind. Resistance is not real equal and one
living. So, therefore, the starting
point of why I am desiring to smoke weed is not addressed with the act of
resistance and thus there will inevitably reach a point in time where I ‘break’
and ‘give in’ and thus smoke, a little.
So, to really quit weed, in this case, I must align myself to live in
every breath those very points that I am desiring to experience through the act
of smoking weed. If I were to do so,
then I would have no use for weed as it couldn’t possibly be giving me anything
that I am not already living as myself.
I mean like, enjoyment? Why
would I need weed to enjoy myself if I were already living enjoyment as who I
am in every breath? Relaxation? Why would I need weed to feel relaxed if I
were already living relaxation as who I am in every breath? ‘Living Life?” Why would I need weed to feel like I am living life if I were
already living life as who I am in every breath?
And on and on, you see.
I just have to break down and identify all those points that I am not
living that I have been seeking the experience thereof through weed. And once I align myself to be living these
points, then I will have no use for weed.
At that point, resistance will be useless too, as I will not need to be
resisting anything at all as I will have no longer the desire to smoke weed as
it can no longer offer me anything that I already am living as myself.
So, perhaps, I have approached this point wrong in that I
have written about it in the past and have made some progress, but in the end,
I have just been in a resistance the whole time, which is an energy experience
of the mind – and I have therefore never aligned myself within and as those
points that weed was giving me in the first place. So, the topic of the following writings will be to align myself
within those points.
Now, on a side note, I titled this writing ‘Staying
Committed’ because there is an additional point that I want to mention
here. Part of my justification to smoke
weed, when I do give in at times, is that I deserve it or that I should be able
to just do what I want at times – like throwing a bit of a tantrum as if
everyone is telling me what to do and thus I should be able to just smoke some
weed if I want to. Yet, I see, realize,
and understand that within this point, I am going into a mind experience, and
thus within my acceptance and allowance of any mind possession / energy
experience whatsoever – I am accepting and allowing the totality of this
existence as it is right now to go on.
Yes, this is true. Within this
point, I am basically complaining about my situation and that I need some weed
to ‘make it right’, while at the same time, there are people who have to have
50 miles just for water, there are kids being wounded and maimed by bombs, and
there are countless atrocities around the world that go on on a daily basis
that I am giving my stamp of approval of when and as I justify my desire to
smoke that one hit of weed, or any willful act of participating in the
mind. This is so because this entire
world as it is now is a world that is here because of the mind and that fact
that we as a human race are controlled by the mind. My giving into the mind may not manifest these consequences in my
direct experience, but I am, within accepting and allowing myself to be
directed by the energy of the mind in any way whatsoever, giving permission for
the totality of the outflow of consequences of the mind; within the realization
that if I really want a world that is best for all and have realized that the
mind is the source of all the inequality of this world, then I must stop my
participation in my mind in totality otherwise, I don’t really give a
fuck. Thus, If I really stand for a
world that is best for all, then I must and will face all the points that I
have given to my mind to live for me, and take them back and live who I am here
as the physical in every breath, so that I can live the solution for this world
into and as who I am as the physical and as the breath, of life. Thus, staying committed means that I must
face all excuses, justifications, and self-deceptions of the mind for the mind
to continue its existence as my god who has directive power over me – where
through this commitment I take my stand as the living directive principle of me
where I am not directed by any mind energy whatsoever. This is to be done not only for me, but for
the whole of humanity as there are billions who can’t even experience this
world in the way I do in my meager experience that I have access to, due to the
point that most are actually in starvation and a host of horrors that befall
this planet which are all consequences of living for the energy of the mind.
No comments:
Post a Comment