I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to position
myself, in my own imagination, as the ‘eccentric yet to be millionaire’ in
order to create within and as myself the experience of superiority over others
that I have perceived as rejecting me and thus have experienced inferiority
towards.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a
personality / character of eccentricity within and as myself, wherein I made
myself and presented myself as eccentric as I could be so that I could convince
myself that I am indeed eccentric so that I can make my belief system that ‘I
would be an eccentric millionaire one day’ that much more believable to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to convince
myself that I am not able to get the women that I want and not able to
socialize the males the way that I want because I am eccentric and thus
secretly superior to them to the point where they just don’t understand me and
my actual superiority. Within this, I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an eccentric
narrative about myself as the solution to the original narrative that I had
about myself where I perceived myself to be inferior to others / less than
others / unworthy of others – wherein through my ‘solution’ that I am
eccentric, I have now convinced myself that I am greater than others / more
than others / and that others are actually not worthy of me.
I forgive myself that, instead of facing myself as insecure and
releasing myself form the negative energy experience of insecurity through
standing up as life, as the physical, and accepting myself for who I am as who
I am as a physical being equal and one with all as me, that I have accepted and
allowed myself to create an-alter ego personality system as the ‘eccentric yet
to be millionaire / ultimate winner / super intelligent genius / ahead of his
time / ahead of his generation / beyond the average Joe’ – as the ‘solution’ to
my experience of insecurity and not getting what I want from others.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and
understand that within the creation of the ‘eccentric yet to be millionaire’
personality and belief system, that I created within and as myself as the
solution to my experience as the ‘loser’ in comparison to the other guys whom I
perceived to be getting what they want and thus winning, that I have created
both the positive experience of feeling more than / superior and also the
negative experience of feeling insecure and inferior to others as a consequence
that would always be there in the background.
I commit myself to no longer play energy games with myself where I
create personalities, characters, stories about who I am in order to create a
positive energy experience of perceiving that I am a winner, superior, and more
than others in order to combat the inferiority and insecurity that exists
within and as me. I see, realize, and
understand that this is self-deception and that I am only creating and
perpetuating the negative experience as a consequence of this as well as the
fact that I am living a personality construct as a positive energy experience
that is not who I really am as life, as the physical, as the breath.
I commit myself to look at what I do, what I say, and who I am within it
by always asking the question ‘what is motivating me to behave this way? Fear?
Desire for acceptance? Desire to
be seen by self or others as more than / superior? Am I acting from a starting point of inferiority and
insecurity? Am I competing for
resources, attention, power, and to get what I want from others as an energy
experience?
I commit myself to look at my self-definition – who am I really?
I commit myself to end the characters and personalities that
I am existing as to get what I want, and start living here as who I really am
in every moment of breath as a physical being as the breath as all as one as
equal where no polarities exist of inferior / superior, more than / less than.
I commit myself to examine my desires to see if they are of
life within having desires for that what is practical as self expression and
self-support, or are my desires to fulfill polarity equations such as desiring
something to make myself feel better from a starting point of feeling negative
/ bad, or to give me an energetic experience of gratification from a starting
point of being unsatisfied with who I am here – as if who I am is incomplete
and lacking. Or the desire for
attention from women and men in order to make myself feel better about whom I
am. -
Are these desires motivating me, or am I being motivated by self as an
expression of life to do that what is best for all? Are my desires best for all?
When and as I see myself going into behaviors, characters,
and personalities that are used to fulfill self-interest in creating some form
of a positive energy experience, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to do this
because I see, realize, and understand that this is of the mind, is not who I
really am, and creates separation that, thus through this separation, creates
and perpetuates the very ‘problems’ of feeling insecure / inferior / like a looser, that I seek to
solve through these systems in the first place. I thus commit myself to breathe, and slow down, and live as who I
am as the physical.
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