So, within this point, I am essentially picking and choosing
which patterns to give up. Some things
like, being controlling, I can give up because those are ‘ugly’
characteristics, but other things like suppressed fantasies, I am not giving up
because it’s like ‘hey, what’s the harm?’
Now, I do see, realize, and understand that there is harm in suppressed
fantasies – in fact, I am harming all life just with this one point! And the evidence for this realization is in
my writings earlier in this thread.
Another interesting point is that I can see that I am essentially
trapped between desire and fear. I am
trapped between desire for that what I fantasize about and fear of loss if I
were to give them up. So, that too, is
also a topic of a very potentially interesting blog. I will also release through self-forgiveness some of these points
in this thread too.
So, what starting point am I operating under that fits this
equation? This is the 64-dollar
question. Have you ever heard of that
saying before, the 64-dollar question?
I have, and it is quite cool, I think, lol. Anyway, the equation is this:
I see myself as equal and one with all that is here because I have
realized that we are all of the same substance (atoms), just in different forms
and thus there is no inherent superiority / inferiority equation with what is
here because what is here is all exactly the same substance at the base
level. I also see a large part of the
out-flow of consequence equation wherein since we are all one, then what I do
affects everything else and actually does have an outflow of consequence that
can be measured physically and verified that in-fact everything that I do and
think has an outflow of consequence that affects others – and the proof in the
problem of existing as energy / as a mind-consciousness system where desires
and fantasies originate is this existence right here in full-form with all the
extensive abuses and hardships that virtually everyone is living under right
now. So, I see the problem and the
solution is to stand and no longer accept and allow the mind to direct me in
any way whatsoever – and that means giving up my fucking fantasies, petty
desires, and habits that I refuse to give up due to fear of loss / fear of
losing who I am as the mind and everything that I have been creating within and
as myself as the mind over my lifetime, and desire. Holding on to these things negates the realizations that I have
had about physical reality and my self-responsibility within it. It’s like giving the big ‘fuck-you’ to all
of existence as well as forming a point of self-sabotage within self because I
simply remain trapped within the mind so long as I do not give everything up
that I identify as of the mind / of energy the moment that I see it within
me.
Thus, my starting point, based on what I am living now, is more
like this: “I stand for all life UNLESS I have something better to do in the
moment!” This is what I am living
now! This is my truth now! This is in-fact what I am living. Now, on the other hand, this is the starting
point that I ‘intend to live”: I stand
for all life as equal and one with me and thus because I have made this stand,
I dedicate my life to stopping my existence as energy / as the mind because I
see, realize, and understand that living as and for energy / the mind IS the
fucking problem, and it is what creates inequality, abuse, and hardship for ALL
fucking life! Thus, if I won’t give up
my fantasies, desires, habits, and addictions / addictive behavioral patterns, then I am giving my stamp of
approval for all the abuse in this world that exists now. – and thus, this proves
that my starting point is of self-interest and not best for all.
Now that I finally got that out, I will address this with SF
and commitments for this whole thread in the coming installments. I commit myself to also, in separate
writings, release myself from my fantasies, habits, addictions, and desires
that I don’t want to give up more specifically.
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