I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
hold a reactive definition of ‘what it means to live’, wherein I simply react
to what is here in the moment / to my current situation, whatever it is, with
comparisons and then positive or negative judgments, where I compare and judge
what is here to images, pictures, ideas, beliefs, all as memories that exist
within and as my own mind separate from what is here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
define myself as bored, unfulfilled, unsatisfied, missing-out, unhappy, and
thus not really living when and as what is here does not match-up with my
pre-programmed ideas, beliefs, constructs, opinions, desires, images, pictures
– all as memories / as expectations of how I should be living and should be
experiencing myself that exist within and as my mind in separation from what is
here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
belief that I ‘should’ be able to experience myself as positive energy at all
times when I see, realize, and understand that positive energy always ends and
thus must be charged and created again through more mind participation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that I can be happy and that happiness exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that I can be bored and unhappy and that boredom and unhappiness
exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
participate in the backchat ‘I need something more than what is here now.’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that I am energy.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see,
realize, and understand that all I need is to be here breathing, and nothing
more.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
not see, realize, and understand that the consequence of living for energy and
positive experiences is the point of survival that exists now wherein I am
constantly fighting for my survival equal and one with how I am fighting for
positive energy experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
blindly follow the pre-programming that I received as a child through
television, pop-culture, and people around me that life is about pursuing
happiness, good-times, money, status, winning, gratification, laughing,
smiling, looking pretty – and within this, I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to robotically stay ‘committed’ to fulfilling these
things no matter the cost and to literally fight tooth and nail to create these
conditions within and as my own life.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see,
realize, and understand – as evidenced with the insatiable greed, malice,
callousness, and ruthlessness of the elite, that there is no real satisfaction,
happiness, success, and point of winning that lasts and lasts without
eventually wanting / desiring more and more as seen in this reality where the
elite steel and steel, kill and kill, and destroy this planet in their pursuit
of happiness which is the very same thing that I am doing on a smaller
scale. Thus, I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to ignore all the evidence around me that
there is no real happiness that can result from chasing positive energy experiences
and that these experiences always end and thus the pursuit of happiness never
ends and is never really achieved within the definition that it carries now in
the world system and within me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to ever
consider the outflow of consequence, such as war, poverty, etc., of chasing
after desires in order to fulfill positive experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
be at war with everyone where I am competing for resources that will lead me to
the ultimate experience of myself – that actually does not really exists in
physical reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
create within and as myself and participate in the idea and belief that somehow
I am giving up on myself if I no longer go to war with all life on earth for my
‘right’ to live and pursue happiness and the ultimate experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
compare myself to others as pictures and then compare these picture
presentations that others present of themselves to the pictures in my own mind
and then become jealous of them if they seem to be fulfilling my own desires
for myself within their lives. Within
this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my own self-created
jealousy to act as the platform for excuses and justifications to continue to
compete for the ultimate life, the ultimate experience and to not give up
because one day ‘maybe I will be able to live the pictures that exist in my
mind too.’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe and expect that I should be able to be entertained and gratified at all
times.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
define myself as ‘bored’ if and when I am not experiencing any time or form of
positive experience such as happiness, pleasure, winning, and the like.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to simply
ask myself the question ‘why do I need something more than me right here?”
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to sort out for myself the difference between ‘feeling alive’ and actual equal
and one practical living.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
not see, realize, and understand the language that applies to physical living
is in the ‘present tense’ on the word living itself – meaning that the present
tense is only used in the emotional / feeling state when operating on an energy
based self definition of living – such as I feel alive or I am feeling alive. Yet, on a physical based practical
definition – the present tense is on the word ‘living’ as in I am living /
practically living.
When and as I see myself going defining myself as bored,
unsatisfied, unhappy, and unfulfilled, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to define
myself as such because I see, realize, and understand that these constructs to
not actually exist in-fact, that these constructs will act as a platform for me
to justify finding ways to create a positive experience of some sort of which I
see is no solution because positive energy always ends and then I am left where
I started, and I see, realize, and understand that living for energy and
experiences creates adverse consequences for both my body and this physical
existence as a whole as seen with the current world state of affairs. Thus, I commit myself to breathe, really
slow down and breathe, and remind myself that ‘I am not this energy. Boredom, unhappiness, unfulfillment,
unsatisfaction, desires, desires for gratification, desires of any type – all
do not exist in physical reality and only exist within my own mind where I
separate myself from what is here when and as I participate in them as is they
are real. Thus, I commit myself to
breathe, speak self-forgiveness in the moment out load in a steady, stable,
voice tonality until I am clear. I
commit myself to clear myself with this process before making any decisions
about how to conduct myself and thus move myself. I commit myself to remind myself of my new definition of what it
means to really live – which I will define in my next post. I commit myself to live here physically, as
a physical being, where no pursuit of energy / happiness exists within and as
me directing me, sabotaging me, and limiting me.
When and as I see myself comparing myself as pictures,
images, ideas, beliefs, all as memories that exist in my mind as me, to others
and what I perceive them to be living that I am not, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to compare
myself to others because I see, realize, and understand that we are all equal
and one and no one is really living the pictures that exist in my mind because
it is impossible to live positive experiences perpetually – thus I see,
realize, and understand that all that I am doing is comparing the pictures that
exist in my mind to the pictures that these people represent and are displaying
of themselves – and that this comparison is just simply comparing pictures and
images and thus there is nothing real, substantial, or physically verifiable
going on here in these comparisons. I
see, realize, and understand that within this, I am simply reacting to pictures
that nothing real is going on. Thus, I
commit myself to stop all comparisons and judgments of others and myself by
saying ‘No, I stop this. I am not
this. I do not compare and judge’ in a
stern, directive voice, and thus delete these comparisons immediately. I then direct myself to remind myself that
we are all one and equal / one and equally living the same point of positive
and then negative energy / thus survival and wining if possible – no matter who
we are and what images and pictures that we can present of ourselves to
others. I then direct myself to
breathe, remain here, and move myself within what is best for all and practical.
Out of time. Will
continue with more self-corrective / self-application statements and then will
continue with a new definition of what it means to live that I can live by in
complete equality with all as one as equal as me, eternally, in every breath.
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