Day 282 – See-sawing myself to death between fighting for survival and pursuing happiness, both within this world as money and within my mind as energy, II

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ‘see-sawing’ myself ‘to death’ between the polarity of ‘fighting for survival – the survival of me as a mind as energy’ and pursuing happiness as defined as a perpetual state of the ultimate experience.’  

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this ‘fight for survival’ as the mind is, in actuality, a ‘fight’ to always have at least some form of an energetic experience within and as my mind as reactions, emotions, and feelings – and that when this is not occurring I feel as if I am ‘dead’ and not really living.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this translates – is mirrored – in the reality of our modern day monetary system where one constantly ‘fights’ for money, within and endless need for new money, and would literally die of starvation without money.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to be on a relentless pursuit of an eternal never ending ultimate experience, AKA ‘happiness’, that exists as pictures, ideas, and desires within my mind like ‘carrots on a stick’, while at the same time I am  ‘fighting’ for any form of energetic mind experience whatsoever just so that I can feel as if I am not ‘dead’, even negative reactions of and like ‘anger’ give the ‘feeling’ as if one is ‘alive’ within and as the mind, and is ‘better’ than nothing at all.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am already dead as the physical, within and as my being-ness, and as life – because I have taken a back-seat to the mind, to serve the mind, and to live as the mind and for energetic experiences.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this reality is mirrored / reflected / expressed within our current monetary system – whereas money is equal to energy – and the relation ship that I have to money, and also the way this monetary system is designed, is the same, one and equal, with the relationship that I have with my own mind as energy.

 

I commit myself to stop and no longer accept and allow myself to live for and the mind and energy - wherein I no longer need, believe, or desire energy to direct me, to generate feelings, emotions, reactions, personalities, characters, constructs, resonances, etc – all to just ‘feel’ alive while at the same time I pursue ‘happiness’ which is like ‘eternal life’ – the never ending positive energy experience that does not exist. 

I commit myself to align myself within and as my physical body and live here as the physical, as the breath, where I no longer live for energetic experiences.  Within this, I commit myself to remind myself that I may feel as if I am dead, within the point of stopping the mind, but that this feeling is of energy and is not really me anyway.  Thus, I commit myself to stop this energetic reaction and resistance to slowing down and breathing and living here, by simply saying ‘no. this energy is not me.  I am not the mind.  I stand.  I walk.  I breathe.’

I commit myself to walking myself into equality and oneness, breath by breath, and then participating in walking this world system of money, breath-by-breath, into one that reflects the new reality of me as a physical being of no mind.