Day 274 – Who I Was from the Beginning / Re-aligning my starting point: Releasing myself from self-sabotage, Part X

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to step in as the director of me where I live what is best for all in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I do not live what is best for all in every breath, that this shows me that I have ulterior motives moving me and thus my starting point is not best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and live the lie that I was taught from a very young age that ‘life is about experiencing happiness and fulfillment’ as if this were some form of a ‘sacred truth’ that is almost sac-religious to ignore.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that part of my self-sabotage is holding on to this bullshit belief that ‘life is about experiencing happiness, gratification, and good-time’ which creates a positive experience only when certain conditions are met and then also creates the negative experience of boredom, sadness, depression, and wanted / desiring something ‘more’ than what’s here as a constant underlying condition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the desire within and as myself to be and experience myself as happy, fulfilled, pleasured, powerful, superior, gratified, and more than who I am right here through and as a consequence of polarizing words, assuming opinions, ideas, and beliefs as if they are real, and living for the experience of energy.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that living for these things automatically implies the negative polarity equation as a consequence in that I also create within and as myself the experience of discontent, boredom, lacking, inferiority, powerlessness, and disappointment as a consequence of living for positive energy experiences.