Day 281 – Seesawing myself to death between fighting for survival and pursuing happiness, both within this world as money and within my mind as energy.

Having a look at it, I can see that life, in the world as it is today, is basically boiled down to two things:  Fighting for survival, and pursuing happiness. 

I can also see, that the mind, and me as the mind, is doing the same thing within the point of energy:  the mind is fighting for its existence within the point of needing a perpetual energy source and generator – the human physical body and my being-ness, inside the body, to always be reacting, with thoughts, feelings, and emotions, to something in order perpetuate its existence and thus ‘survive’, and also pursue ‘happiness’, which is the ultimate energetic experience.  

You see, the mind needs energy to survive; just like I need money to survive in this system.  For instance, I must always be doing something to make money, otherwise, I starve to death and die, due to having no access to resources; just like the mind needs energy to perpetuate its existence; otherwise it and all of its systems such as emotional bodies, constructs, characters, personalities, thoughts, feelings, emotions will eventually cease to exist without energy –because all these systems ARE energy and thus are perpetuated and substantiated with energy.  Energy, as we all know, is limited.  It has a beginning and an end.  Thus, the replenishment of energy is always required to perpetuate the mind and all of its systems, just like the replenishment of money is always required in order to perpetuate me in this existence as it is set up now, within the point that money is also limited and thus needs constant replenishing.  This parallel is so because this existence mirrors what we all live inside of ourselves.  ‘As within so without’.

So, if we slow ourselves down, we can see that we are living the same thing on the inside as what we are living in the outside.  In the outside world, when I am not ‘fighting’ for my survival, I am pursuing happiness, right?  I mean, I am either chasing after my ultimate experience, if and when I can afford it; OR, I am busy competing for resources not only to fund my ultimate experience but to survive in this system.  And within myself, its like the same exact thing:  I am either imagining, planning, and trying to execute whatever plans I have in order to bring about the most ‘exciting, fulfilling, sensual, gratifying, and pleasing experience or realization of a self-definition through the fulfillment of desire; OR, I am trying to avoid boredom, dullness, and things that I do not want to do because of how I have judged them and defined myself of which these points all are like ‘low energy’ points.  Also, within this point of low energy, the mind tends to find ways of creating any type of reaction whatsoever, positive or negative, in order to create energy and sustain its existence because even negative energy is better than none at all!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a life of seesawing between ‘fighting for survival’ and ‘pursuing happiness’, both within my mind and in this world of making money to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pursing happiness and fighting for survival is ‘normal’ and thus all that life is about, without ever asking ‘why do we live this way and what is normal’.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that pursuing happiness in this monetary system, as it is now, requires money, a constant flow of new money, and thus is simply unavailable to all those without money, like billions of starving people around the world.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that pursuing happiness through the acquisition of money requires a constant flow of new money that must be created from the conversion of physical resources on this planet to make products to buy.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this constant pursuit of money to buy and pursue happiness puts a physical strain on this earth due to the relentless conversion of physical resources that is required to support the relentless pursuit of ‘happiness’, through money, that all the beings on this planet are competing for.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the pursuit of the experience of happiness, within self, which is supported by energy to fuel the systems of the mind, such as positive feelings, requires energy and a constant flow of new energy of which is obtained from my physical body of which puts a strain on my physical body because of the fact the energy required to sustain the mind in its fight for survival and pursuit of happiness is a constant flow of energy and thus there is no regard for my physical body as it is constantly being abused to be converted to energy to support the mind – just like this earth is constantly being converted to products to generate money for this world monetary system of which there is no regard for the outflow of consequence to this earth – because we are / I am more concerned with the experience of happiness than the outflow of consequence to the physical that is required to facilitate this experience.

To be continued…