Yes, so, I am going to redefine
what the word ‘to live’ / ‘living’ in another blog. That’s right, not here, Jack.
I told you earlier this blog was totally impromptu. I was just going with the flow and that’s
what came out. However, I don’t think
it is necessary to redefine the word / phrase ‘to live’ in order to achieve
what I set out on this blog thread to do; and that is to look at what why I am
walking process in the first place and see where my starting point is holding
me back, as I outlined in the first parts of this thread, in so-many
words. And the reason as to why I am
walking process is that I have come to realize that there really is no other
viable option out there: It is either,
walk process and stand up for all life, or tell all life to fuck off and die,
including myself – because that is what I am actually, in-fact doing, directly
and indirectly, to all of existence equal and one, so long as I do not stand
and breathe, and live here as the breath, directing self as a physical being
un-influenced be energy in any way whatsoever.
Then on to the next point of this
blog – why do I accept and allow constructs, patterns, characters, reactions,
behaviors, fantasies, desires, to exist knowing that I am fucking all of
existence over, including myself, by doing so?
I mean, what’s in it for me?
What’s in it besides a temporary rush of positive energy that eventually
fades back to the negative fear for survival and fear of death base drive /
program? I mean, like, what the
fuck?
So, that’s why the whole thing
about the fantasies came up – they have got to go. I must commit myself to release all fantasies through
self-forgiveness spoken in the moment that they come up and then let them go /
release myself from them for good.
These fantasies that I keep around, ‘just in case’ there is some
potential of their physical manifestation, are sabotaging my entire
process. They are keeping me
time-looping around a set of patterns as back-chats, imaginations, and characters
of various sorts that I merely suppress, just to have them rise another day.
The idea behind process is to
systematically release self from all the patterns that one can see when and as
one sees these patterns, not to keep certain patterns around while eradicating
others. We don’t get to pick and choose
patterns! All patterns must go! All points that self has identified as being
of and fueled by energy must go as soon as they are identified! Otherwise, these patterns, like parasites,
will find new ways to sink there hooks into your flesh and stick around and
fester like a cancer that goes unnoticed until only when they become
problematic. And these fantasies will
become problematic at least in that they will keep me anchored to the mind,
limited, and bound to energy – the very things that I intent to be releasing
myself from.
Thus, I will finish with self
forgiveness on the point of picking and choosing the patterns / personalities /
constructs that I want to do away with, which is a form of self-sabotage within
the point that by accepting and allowing certain patterns to exist just because
one has an energy relationship to it that one is not ready to ‘give’ up will
only result in those very patterns being the ones that keep self trapped in the
mind until they are released thus creating points of self-sabotage, and I will
tie this point to my starting point which is to stand up for myself as all life
- not just for the idea of standing for all life, whereby I show myself to be
disingenuous when and as I face patterns that I do not want to give up, but the
actuality of standing up for all life, as me, where nothing matters more than
stabilizing myself within each and every breath where energy no longer defines
me nor do I define myself through energy in anyway whatsoever. From there, I will do self-commitments for
the initial sections of this blog-thread where I did self-forgiveness already
and also self-commitments for this section.
Then, on possibly a private thread, I will write out my fantasies, in a
separate blog title, so as to assist myself to further release them.
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