Day 317 – Regretting things I’ve said

Sometimes I look back on things that I have said and then get worried about what I said and the words I used and whether I left the right impression or caused more problems than I was trying to solve.  I judge what I said as wrong, bad, stupid and then go into regret as if I can find a way to take back what I said.  I worry about what people think of what I said and what they think of me.  This happens often and usually is very slight and easy to suppress, but sometimes the worry / regret / fear of what I said / how I conducted myself becomes overwhelming and mind possessing to the point where I am completely in my head and separated from here, unable to have conversations or take care of business that is here and thus trapped into the past.  I also worry about how I may have caused consequence for myself that I do not want to face / fear facing.  However, while all this is going on in my head, nothing physical to verify that what I fear has actually taken place. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to what I have said in the past to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret what I have said to others, as if I can take it back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the fear that I have connected to what I have said with worry and more fear.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear and have this fear reaction fuel and charge imaginations, worry, doubt, anxiety, and a total mind possession where I am completely trapped into my mind and separated from here.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the fear and regret that I create and participate in towards things I have said and done in the past also indicates to me that the things that I have said and done in the past where of personalities and characters that have motivations of self-interest, and not from me speaking as the physical and as the breath where I only speak from equality and what is best for all.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved and directed by the personalities and characters of my mind from a starting point of self interest – the self interest to have my self-definition as my personalities and characters validated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the words that I use and say be moved and directed by fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak words that only uphold my personalities and characters in spite of everyone else.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then fear the consequences that I might create / might have created through the words that I speak as the personalities and characters that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by – within the point that existing as personalities and characters of the mind will ALWAYS create consequences that are NOT best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself connect fear to the point that others might see me for who I really am within and as my mind as a being directed by self interest of fulfilling myself as personalities and characters through energetic experiences because of the words that I have used in the past.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I speak from the starting point of what is best for all as a physical being of no personalities and characters, that within this, there is never anything that I can say that will generate and create consequences that are adverse to anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my words as negative / bad and then go into fear, guilt, regret, and worry about what I said and how I might have been perceived / judged by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be mind possessed with worry and fear about what I have said in the past.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that worry and fear is no solution to ‘fixing’ what I have said and is instead only feeding the cycle of further abuse and separation by living with my mind – the cycles of moving from negative – fear, guilt, worry, regret, -- to positive, validation, happiness, good times, pleasure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate others with my words so that I can try to make myself seem greater than who I am in, in their eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to manipulate others with my words so that I can fulfill personalities and characters that I have created in my mind through self-definition.

When and as I see myself going into worry, regret, and fear over what I have said to others in the past, and thus what others might think of me or what consequences I might have to face, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow myself to become mind possessed with regret, worry, and fear over words that I have spoken in the past because I see, realize, and understand that this is no solution, but rather a band-aid to make myself feel better and even justify my existence as personalities and characters where I act in my own self interest to have positive experiences.  Thus, I see, realize, and understand that regret, worry, and fear are actually negative consequences to pursuing positive experience within self interest and thus indicate to me that I have not been living here as the breath and as the physical within what is best for all.  Thus, I commit myself to stop this mind possession of regret, worry, and fear of the past by immediately speaking out-loud in an assertive yet calm voice ‘No, I don’t accept and allow myself to worry, regret, and fear the past.  I stand here as the physical and I live my words’.  I then commit myself to speak self-forgiveness out-loud and then breath until I am clear and the storm stops.  From here, I commit myself to examine my past words of which triggered the worry, regret, and fear so that I can correct myself and stop the underlying personalities and characters that are generating these regret, worry, and fear reactions – so that I can equalize myself within and as the physical and always live here within what is best for all.