Day 169 – BDMWP, Part VIII – SF on ‘Blaming my Parents’

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach emotional / feeling values to experiences I had in the past, in this case where I was ‘taken’ from my adopted father I had defined this as ‘wrong / bad’ and become angry about this; and then define having stayed with my adopted father as ‘right / good.”

And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, while considering my past, become angry at my mother for ‘wronging’ me and both my father’s for her ‘bad’ decision to leave both of them and take me from them because I have judged her to be ‘wrong / bad’ for doing this to me and my father’s whom I had charged as ‘good / innocent’.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that although who I am today is of my past and related to my past – that who I am today is not a permanent reality and that I can change who I am by standing up and facing myself for who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become within everything that has happened to me, even as a child.  And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose the path of blame and anger towards my mother of which puts me in a situation where I must be and live my past in order for me to hold her responsible for who I am today – because if I can in-fact change who I am today, then she is no longer to blame – I am to blame.  So, within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the facing of myself and then blame my mother so that I do not have to face my own fear of myself as within this blame, it is not my fault and it is not my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that within the point of blame, one is actually trapping oneself within whatever it is that one is blaming someone for – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself within and as my personality design within the point of blaming my mother for who and what I have become within and as my personality traits.

 

When and as I see myself blaming my mother for the ‘loss’ of my father’s of which I have charged as ‘wrong / negative ‘ and then become angry at her for ‘wounding me’ as a child – I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow myself to participate in this backchat and emotional energy as I see, realize, and understand that holding blame and anger towards my mother for my past as an excuse / rustication to hold her responsible for who I am today only keeps me locked-in to who and what I am blaming her for and thus offers no way out / no solution and abdicates my self-responsibly to stand up and take responsibility for who I am today.

And thus, I commit myself to be my own support / my own parent and stop the blame and anger towards my mother through breathing when and as this blame and anger comes-up and stopping my mind / backchat.  Instead of participating in this, I commit myself to breathe and remind myself that I am here, that I am my own directive principle, that I have the power to change myself to what is best for all, that I am one and equal with my past and with all that is here in the physical, that I am a physical being – and I direct myself to move myself in my physical body until the energy of the blame and anger dissipates and I am able to direct myself here within and as the breath.