Day 176 – BDMWP, Part 14 – Who ‘I Am’ Within Communication Part 6 – Scolded By My 1st Grade Teacher

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel 'bad' about myself when my teacher scolded me for doing my art assignment 'wrong' while in the 1^st grade.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as 'not very smart' and 'not as smart as the other kids' as a reaction to my teacher becoming angry at me and scolding me for doing my art assignment wrong, while in the 1^st grade within this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought that 'I must not be as smart as everyone else if I am getting yelled at and told that I am not as smart and not doing my assignments correctly.'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my teacher was 'right' in that I am not as smart as the other kids and that I deserve to be scolded for doing my art assignment wrong.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create the desire within and as myself to suppress myself so that no one can see that I am not as smart as they are.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself harshly within using the word 'I am stupid' wherein I am essentially scolding myself within and as this harsh judgment as my teacher did in the first-grade.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word 'stupid' as negative / bad in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with fear to the very word 'stupid' – as I fear being seen as stupid as I see myself as stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I deserve the word / description / judgment of 'stupid'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become afraid to express myself and to see myself as 'less than' others in my input and ideas and artistic creations – in what I can 'bring to the table' – and within this fear – as a reaction to the fear, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself so as to 'hide' from everyone so that no one can see me as stupid, which is how I have judged myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there 'must be something wrong about me' because 'why else would my teacher yell at me?”

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to the other kids of whom I perceived to not be yelled at or scolded by the teacher and then within that comparison see myself as 'less than' them and 'stupid' and 'inferior' because my teacher scolded me and not them.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself connect fear to self-expression because when I did express myself within my art assignment and was proud of my assignment – my teacher scolded me of which created a point of self-doubt within and as myself where I doubted myself / I began to not trust myself as to be able to know if my ideas and creations are 'good' or not good.

When and as I see myself going into a fear reaction towards the idea of expressing myself where I fear that I may not be able to trust myself to be expressing myself the 'right' way – I stop and I breathe – I do not accept and allow myself to operate from the starting point of fear because I see, realize, and understand that fear does not help me and does not protect me from that which I fear. In fact, I see, realize, and understand that fear only works to help create and bring about the very thing that I fear.

Thus, I commit myself to stop fear as a solution, and instead remain here and breathe and slow myself down until I am able to stand without fear – and from there I commit myself to 'push' myself to speak from within and as the breath, from within and as the physical, from within and as equality and oneness, here – and from here express myself of no fear.

When and as I see myself going into the desire to suppress myself so that I can 'hide' from others so that I do not have to face that which I fear, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to suppress myself because I see, realize, and understand that self-suppression is no solution and that this suppression bottle-necks to a point of explosive release which serves only to further enslave me into and as my mind.

Thus, I commit myself to express myself here within and as the breath and face my fears and write them out so that I can work with myself to eventually get to a point where I express me in every moment of breath here, equal and one, within and as the physical – of no fear.

When and as I see myself judging myself as stupid, I stop and I breathe because I see, realize, and understand that I am not stupid and that stupid is just a stupid judgment that when and as I believe this to be true I in effect cast a spell on myself where I do not allow myself to apply myself and thus manifest a stupid-sens within and as me as I live out 'stupid' as myself.

Thus, I commit myself to stop this self-judgment the moment it arises within and as my mind within and as my backchat / internal conversation within stopping this as soon as I see it, and instead I direct my attention to the breath and remind myself that I in fact have a brain and can use it like anyone else.