I've been having a lot anxiety lately which I am now starting to see is the same thing as worry, so this is a nice time to be looking at this topic sense I am writing a series on it right now as well. However, I am going to take a break from this series to look at my anxiety and worry that is possessing me right now.
This is kind of an interesting time for me. As of right now, this moment, all is well and normal. However, there are things that might happen in the near future that are 'scary', I suppose; however, even these things that might happen probably won't happen and even if they do happen I could live through them.
The 2 things that are really getting to me right now are: 1: I have a severely 'strained' business relationship that could result in my loosing a very good customer, and 2: I have a super bad / expensive traffic ticket. Oh yes, traffic and driving I should write about as well. Perhaps I need to even do a series on traffic and driving. I am a very good driver, as far as I am concerned, and I have developed a sense of superiority on the road that came back to bite me in the ass just recently – so this will be next, or at least soon, I will be writing on 'Who I Am in Traffic', or something like that will be addressed.
So, looking at the definitions of 'worry' I also notice two other words that seem to go with it: nervousness and anxiety. This is interesting, as I have been told by people that I seem nervous at times when I do not 'feel' nervous or perceive myself as nervous. So, I seem to possess worry, anxiety, and nervousness and all these are inter-related manifestations of basically the same thing, it seems.
As of right now, my 'symptoms' are: going into my mind where I imagine what I might say or do in the future to alleviate or correct that which I fear happening, or looking into the past to analyze that what I have already done to see 'how' bad the outcome / consequence of my actions might be – where in both cases just a single thought comes up, it seems, and then I follow that thought right into my mind to the extent where I am no longer able to be right here and concentrate on what is going on at all, or hardly at all, like conversations etc. I just get lost in my head, and it all starts with one thought that pops up and like drags me in there.
I used to be like this all the time, however, over the last several years this has abated until now- right now I am hardly able to keep up with conversations throughout the day. Like, some parts of the day I am fine, and then other parts of the day I am lost in my head.
And then I keep hearing this 'you seem nervous or are a nervous' person from people, like my 'strained-relationship' customer has told me recently. I am thinking on this, WTF? I am nervous? I don't get it. I don't remember being nervous around this person, or other people who have observed this as well with me.
To be continued...
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