Day 184 – Real Change, Living Here as the Physical

The more I pay attention the more I see myself getting sucked off into my mind of into whole systems of thought manifestations of which are triggered by an initial thought that just pops up in my mind. I am hardly ever here within and as my physical body just breathing walking within and as equality and oneness with all as me. Rather, I am off in my mind reacting to this and that thought with more thoughts and personalities and characters that emerge from that starting point; within this, I am thus separated from all that is here into the bubble reality of my own mind.

Then there is the change that is happening at a snails pace where I am not really pushing through to remain here and breathe through the patterns that I have written about. I still participate in them, although maybe a little less.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that true change, where I change into a being that is walking what is best for all in every breath, is to be able to remain here within and as the physical in every breath where I am not distracted and sucked into the thoughts, and systematized characters and personalities that exist within and as my own mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remain here and breathe when and as a thought pops up in my conscious mind so that I can let it die and fade away, but instead I follow the thought where I charge it up and make it more powerful than me unto the point that it activates a character or personality system that exists already per-programmed in my mind waiting to be activated – that when activated, it then sucks me into my mind into a whole sequence of thought manifestations that take over and control me as my mind and even my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take pleasure in my participation in the pre-programmed personalities and characters that exist within and as my own mind; wherein I actually enjoy the ride of the systematized thought manifestations that these characters and personalities consist of. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I would not be able to 'enjoy life' without my participation in the characters and personalities that exist within and as my own mind, in my own specific mind consciousness system design.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am unique and different and I even have pride in the specific personalities and characters that I have enslaved myself to that exist within and as my own mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I can be enslaved and controlled my entire life by a single memory that I have attached emotions and feelings to within the point that that memory, when accessed, activates emotions and feelings that I have attached to it that then activates personalities and characters all of which exist within and as me as a pre-program that directs me and control me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk my life with no self-awareness which opens the doors for events in my life to be recorded as memories with emotions and feelings attached to them, which then act as a point of control where I am controlled by these memories within that point that they cause emotions and feelings to come up, that are of the mind and not of me as the physical, whenever these memories are accessed. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and thus be controlled and directed by the emotions and feelings that are activated by memories that all exist within and as my own mind – where I run in cycles the same emotions and feelings over and over again throughout my life in complete unawareness. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a passive participant in my life where I accept and allow myself to be directed by the emotions and feelings that I have attached to memories of events where all that is required to change me is a simple memory to pop up.

To be continued...