Day 187 – Impatience

I am becoming aware of my impatience. I seem to have an impatience with physical reality, like I just cannot wait long enough for the natural course of things to manifest. Take driving for instance. I find myself irritated and annoyed just driving the speed limit, as if that is not fast enough, as if it is unacceptable to just go the speed limit. I tend to want things to happen as soon as I imagine the desired result. Like, if I desire to be somewhere, then the time to get there becomes a point of annoyance and like an irritation. What I am ignoring is the physical reality that things do in-fact take time to manifest and that within space-time, one is required to walk the steps to get from point A to point B and that there really is no short-cut, in that short-cuts often don't exist and if they do, they often open up more room for error or disaster to strike if taken.

What is best, is to simply breathe and walk the steps required to get or move from point A to point be within and as the breath as the physical, where one moves within and as the physical in real-time, step-by-step and breath-by-breath to the end result of destination. This is all that one can do regardless of one's personal issues within the point of impatience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the energetic possession of impatience – where I want the end to manifest before walking through the process to get there or without walking the process to get there thoroughly enough to ensure walking the steps effectively and within what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to be walking the steps required to get from point A to point B within as as the breath, breath-by-breath, step-by-step, to be 'too slow'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who move more slowly than I do within and as this physical reality, to be inferior to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as superior to those who move slow within and as this physical existence because of my participation in the self-created idea that those who move slowly do so because they are not able to move any faster due to some form of a limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated and annoyed at those who move slowly in a way that actually slows me down in what it is that I want accomplish and get done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the excitory form of impatience wherein I have this feeling of excitement mixed with anxiety within my solar-plexus wherein in order to relieve this physical feeling, I desire to move as fast as I can from point A to point B.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself become annoyed within the point of blame at those who move in a way that obstructs me from getting what I want to get done, done – where I blame others for interfering with my own expectations about how fast I should be able to move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the idea and expectation within and as myself that I should be able to move from point A to point B, unobstructed by others at all times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a parallel universe within and as my mind in separation from what is physically here – where I compare what is here to this imaginary parallel universe that exist within and as my mind as my imagination / as pictures of the 'perfect' world where I am able to move from point A to point B with absolutely no obstruction whatsoever from others who might get in my way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and participate in the belief that I have the 'right' to move within my physical environment from point A to point B unobstructed and un-hindered by anyone and anything whatsoever. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at and blame anyone and anything that 'gets in the way' of me experiencing the manifestation of this belief as if it is 'their fault' or 'this things fault' that I am not able to experience myself within and as this physical reality the way that I have envisioned it within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that there is no-one and no-thing to blame for my not being able to experience physical reality the way that I have pictured it within and as my mind. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct my anger, that is really at myself, onto that which I blame for getting in the way / preventing me from experiencing that which I desire to experience – directing the anger that I myself created within and as myself as a consequence of creating pictures as expectations based upon beliefs within and as my mind of the perfect experience that when it does not manifest into actual physical reality it creates friction / energy and then frustration / anger within and as me when I am not able to experience the pictures in my mind as I desire to experience them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move through the physical with the desire to fulfill expectations that exist as pictures based upon beliefs of what I should be able to experience all of which exists within and as my mind in separation from what is here in the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge moving slowly as 'bad' and thus separating myself from what is here thus creating the experience of unfulfilment and restlessness / impatience within and as myself where I constantly seek fulfillment through finding a way to move faster – thus creating within and as myself the desire to move faster in whatever it is that I am doing in order to 'balance-out' the unfillfilling experience of myself that I myself created through judging what is here as bad / negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow desire to manifest within and as myself through my acceptances and allowances where I accept and allow judgment of what is here to create a negative or positive experience of myself wherein thus I then desire to experience the opposite polarity manifestation or resist the opposite polarity / side of the equation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the desire to move fast / move faster than what is physically possible and practical within and as the physical within specific situations. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my rate of movement and getting things done is always limited to what is here / what is physical possible / practical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the excited / energetic and anxious state of impatience where I just want to move from point A to point B at all costs no matter what the consequence may be. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to slow down and breathe through this energetic state of impatience until it dissipates and then simply move myself without judgement.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that regardless of how fast I move, what is important is that I get what is needed to be done, done and in a timely manner of which is all possible through a methodical movement where I move to the maximum 'safe' speed throughout my day, and beyond that if time runs out – then so be it.

When and as I see myself going into the energetic state of impatience where I get all charged up with excitement and anxiety about moving faster and getting to the 'end' or knowing it all before the appointed time, so to speak, wherein I desire to move faster than what is permissible and possible within what is actually here and what is physically possible and practical – wherein I judge others and objects that get in the way as bad / inferior and even evil in a way where 'they are doing it on purpose' – I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to move in this state of impatience because I see, realize, and understand that within and as this movement I am opening myself up for / to manifest consequences that I may not want to face and that may not be best for all. I see, realize, and understand that the best 'pace' to move throughout my day is the pace that is physical practical and possible based on actual feedback from the physical and that movement beyond that rate is not necessary and potentially detrimental.

Thus, I commit myself to stopping all my beliefs, ideas, judgments, and blame and anger that are all connected to this overall condition of impatience through stopping and breathing deeply when and as the energy of excitement mixed with anxiety starts to develop within and as my mind and within and as my solar-plexus. I commit myself to remain here equal and one within and as the physical and remind myself out-loud that 'I am here. This is where I am'. I commit myself to breathe and slow down until the energy of impatience subsides and then direct myself to do and act within what is practical and most effective within and as what I am doing – where I move myself breath-by-breath and step-by-step towards my goal.