Day 181 - BDMWP, Part 16-Who I Am Within Communication, Part 5 – Self-Suppression Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to step into the self-suppression character when and as I am in the presence of someone of whom I perceive / judge to be 'good looking' or who is tall or successful because within and as myself I fear being judged by them as inferior in some way –Within and as the self-suppression character, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my expression wherein I internally make self-judgments about what I might say and only say the things that are 'pre-approved' by me within and as my mind thus altering and suppressing what I would otherwise say or do.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my fear of being judged as 'inferior' by tall, good-looking, and successful people is a self-judgment that I have already judged myself as in relation to these people and thus shows me that I have insecurity within my body height, my personal appearance, and my apparent 'success' / position within and as this current money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge being shorter than average as 'bad'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge tall men as 'naturally better and smarter than shorter men, such as myself'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'powerless and intimidated' by tall men, especially while in their presence. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear with the act of standing up and expressing myself equal and one with tall men.

I forgive myself to connect the idea of authority and dominance to physical size wherein I perceive tall men to have a form of authority and dominance over me and am thus intimidated in their presence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as 'not worthy' to speak and express myself while in the presence of both men and women of whom I judge / perceive to be good-looking / very attractive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that very good-looking or attractive men and women are / have naturally 'better' more polished personalities of which through this belief I have a form of intimidation towards where I fear to speak and say something 'stupid.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the rejection of good looking women and men to the point that I dare not speak too much to them and say the 'wrong thing'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to the idea and reality that I could be 'rejected' by good looking men and women if I say the 'wrong' thing. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the idea that I could say the wrong thing to someone – that there is a wrong thing to say.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that there is only a 'wrong' thing to say to someone when I am trying to manipulate them into doing something, or giving me something, or perceiving me in a way that I want / desire for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the desire within and as myself to have people that I have judged to be 'good-looking' approve of me as if I am good enough for them to have their approval within and as the way I speak and the things that I say – wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carefully pick and choose my words while speaking to them so that I can say 'all the right things' and not be 'rejected' by them and gain their 'approval'.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when and as I am directed by the energies of fear, desire, and manipulation while communicating, that I am not communicating from and equal and one starting point where I am one and the same every-time, but rather I am communicating from within and as energy and thus I change my personality based on the energy levels that fluctuate each time I speak and thus this increases the chances of me really saying something 'stupid' from the stand-point that I am not really expressing me when being directed by energy while speaking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear reaction while in the presence of successful men and even women where I tense-up and fear to speak and say something stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my success to other people and when and as I see that I am 'less' successful than others my age, I suppress myself while in their presence so that I don't say something stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge successful people as smarter than me both socially and financially.