Day 180 - BDMWP, Part 15-Who I Am Within Communication, Part 4 – Self-Suppression Character

Picking up from day 172 -

Self Suppression Character / Shyness Character Self Forgiveness-

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself / step into the self-suppression character where I hide behind self-judgments that 'I am not smart enough', 'funny enough', and 'likable enough' to be heard by others wherein I would not allow myself to express the expressions that exist within and as myself because I fear that I may be seen as stupid, boring, dull, or in the wrong light / misunderstood and thus I fear being judged by others as I had judged myself; and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realize, and understand that suppressing myself / my self-expression does not remove the expression that exists within and as myself as what it is that I am experiencing, it only hides my expression.

I forgive myself that I had / have accepted and allowed myself to suppress what I am feeling and what I would like to say in the presence of others because I have judged myself to be 'unworthy', 'unlikable', 'boring', 'dull', and 'stupid' and then projected that judgment onto others as if they are the one's judging me as these traits wherein as a reaction I would suppress myself so that I would be able to avoid the adverse reactions that others might express in reaction to my self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgments of others when in fact that what I feared were my own self-judgments that I had projected onto others.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to suppress what I am feeling and would like to say because I see, realize, and understand that self-suppression is not a self-directive action where I express myself here in every moment of breath, but instead self-suppression is directed by fear energy / fear of the response that I might receive from others that I have projected onto them.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the suppression of my self-expression / of what I am feeling or would like to say does not remove my experience within and as myself but actually gathers up pent-up energy that I would have to deal with later as outburst in my life in other occasions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my 'personality' / self-expression because I have judged myself as 'stupid', 'boring', 'dull', 'not funny' and 'not worthy of being heard' and then projected this self-judgment onto others as if they are / would be judging me this way – thus limiting my self-expression to a point wherein I would hardly ever even speak – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, based on my experience of myself within and as self-suppression, build a character within and as me of suppressing myself wherein I would believe that 'me not expressing myself' is my 'personality' and through this create a belief within and as myself that 'I am this personality design of being 'shy'' and that 'this is just 'who I am' as this shy person that does not express myself'' wherein I see, realize, and understand now that this is not so, that I was only defining myself as 'shy' as a reaction to the energy experience that I had experienced within and as self as the self-suppression character. Within this, I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to further compound the self-suppression character within and as myself through my participation within this and as this belief, of which further supported the suppression of myself where it made it almost impossible to transcend the self-suppression character because I would not even try to look at the point that just maybe this self-suppression character is not really who I really am because I believed myself to be shy based on my experience of myself and thus there is nothing more to it.

To Be Continued...