Day 145 – Fishing Derby Self-Forgiveness and Self Commitments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that reactions and reacting is just limited to what one can see in the physical / as an outward physical outburst.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this belief, 'that reactions are limited to just what one can see in the physical' is due to my not investigating reactions, and what constitutes a reaction, and rather just merely casually accepting and allowing the definition that I operated by to be programmed in me overtime within me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I was being directed by my definition of a reaction, where I would overlook all those reactions that occurred within my mind, even as a single seemingly harmless thought that occurred in response to something, as being a reaction; and as a result, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my self-awareness within and as a faulty belief / definition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'anything that is not a reaction as per my definition of a reaction, then must be who I really am.'

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that if I am reacting to something, like for instance going into the desire to smoke pot as a reaction to someones else's suggestion, that I am accepting and allowing myself to be mind-possessed, and that is not really who I am of life – and that I am mind-possessed because I have accepted and allowed myself to be reactive – to react to the word / idea of smoking pot (in this example) that someone else spoke (in this case) - and then I reacted with a whole sequence of thoughts, feelings, and emotions that occurred within and as my mind, that I alone per-programmed over-time as a result of my sleep-walking through my existence, and not taking self-responsibility to be 'here' within every moment of every breath where I decide who I am and I am directing how it is and what it is that I am programming myself with and to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider investigating every single thought that comes up within and as my mind, into my awareness by asking myself 'where does this thought/reaction really come from?', 'what memories/ideas/desires/fears/etc.. are triggering this to come up within me?'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to investigate only the thoughts / feelings / emotions that I have judged to be 'bad' or 'not who I really am', and within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that within judging my thoughts I am thus creating a resistance to / towards releasing myself from my existence as a mind-consciousness system because I am thus only investigating certain thoughts and everything else is actually being reinforced into and as my existence as a mind-consciousness system because I am believing it to be me or to be 'OK'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be 'caught' by the thoughts that pop-up as bait, from my mind, by reacting to them with more thoughts in which I thus activate all the pre-programmed personalities and characters that underlie / are attached to each thought that floats into my consciousness – and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be used as the energy source of my mind by creating energy as a result of my participation in thoughts, feelings, and emotions as a response / reaction to the initial 'bait' / thought that my mind floated into my conscious awareness.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my desires, thoughts, fears, emotions, and feelings are NOT who I really am of life and that who I really am of life is right here in the physical as who I am in every breath, here – where I am already complete, whole, and stable within every breath. And within that, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to simply stop and breathe whenever I have a reaction of any kind no matter how 'small', thus bringing myself back here / to oneness and equality within and as the physical.

When and as I see myself going into desires, fears, thoughts, characters, personalities, emotions, feelings of any sort, I stop and I breathe because I see, realize, and understand that these are all reactions – where I go into the energy of the pre-programmed nature of the mind believing it to be me / who I am of life.

And thus I commit myself to investigating every single thought that comes up.

I commit myself to stopping myself and breathing because I realize that if I am not doing so, then I am thus reacting.