Day 156 – Worry

I have had a lot to worry about recently.  Certain things happen that seem ‘to much to bear’ and then I just think about every conceivable angle incessantly.  I feel as if there is no way for me to stop, and that if I were to stop, then whatever I am worried about might happen.  I also, feel as if I deserve to worry, as if worry is a form of self-punishment as the state of mind one is in when worrying is not pleasant.  I fear not worrying about stuff, even. 

I must say, that there was some improvement in this recent bout.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about future events.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about past events.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not going into a state of worry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to what might happen to me if I don’t worry about it / think about it constantly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for my financial security.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the loss of business relationships that bring me money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting things happen as an outflow of consequence as they are without trying to control everything to my benefit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing control of my financial future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the financial system and the consequences of rejection within and from the financial system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I have to worry about shit in order for things to work out for my benefit.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are times when ‘I must go into my mind incessantly, into a state of worry, to hopefully bring about the best possible outcome, and that I have no choice but to do so.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to control what might happen to me through worry as if I have some psionic powers to control the future with my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe ‘as if I can cast a spell on others with my thoughts through worry – as if worry will actually change anything.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I deserve to be in the torment of worry, as if I have to keep on worrying otherwise those whose situation I am worried about would not be vindicated or given due credit.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to what might happen if I were to really stop worrying, when in the midsts of worrying about something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a fear reaction to what might happen to me of which merely exists within and as pictures in my mind based on information that I have from my physical environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I deserve to be in a state of worry.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the self-realization that worry and fear achieves nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the realization that regardless of physical consequences, I am still here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I cannot control the outflow of consequences that are all ready set in motion both by my own personal actions and the actions of everyone and everything as a whole as all as one as equal as me – and that within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I must stand and breathe through any and all consequences that come my way no matter the severity and that I must stand to breathe and be here and transcend my mind and align my starting point with life so that I can eventually change the tide of consequences to be always best for all where one is always taken care of in the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own creation both on an existential level including this entire existence as it exists and also on my own personal level in regards to consequences that I directly create in my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences that I have created for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear reactions to the fear of certain things happening to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the fear energy experience that I go through when in fear of certain things happening to me that exist as pictures in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I fear my fear reaction more than the actual event that initiated the fear.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I fear my own fear reaction to a fear of something that exists as pictures in my mind, that I create a cycle of fear where I energize and charge-up the pictures of what might happen to me that exist in my mind – making them larger than life –and then this creates even bigger fear reactions that I then react in more fear to the fear reactions, even more – all of this cycling and creating / manifesting a state of worry / chronic worry – where I seek to find ways to end the fear that exists as pictures in my mind with other pictures that exist in my mind of things working out for the best, if possible, if I can find a way within and as my imagination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this fear and worry cycle is the only way that I can solve problems and protect myself from harm.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that worry is a state of mind – worry is the minds way of protecting itself form a perceived harm where there seems to be no way out because when there is way out or when the consequences are not that bad, then one does not worry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use worry to try to solve problems instead of just simply applying common sense and preparing myself to stand through whatever consequences come my way by simply remaining here within and as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have not given myself permission to live here as the physical as the solution in every breath, and that as a consequence I have given myself to my mind to try to solve problems.

When and as I see myself going into a state of worry, I stop and I breathe, because I see, realize, and understand that worry is no solution and that worry will not protect me from anything.

Thus, I commit myself to, say to myself out-loud: ‘stop, delete – I give myself permission to stop this worry and live here and breathe’ when and as I see myself becoming possessed by worry.