Day 153 – Don’t Tread on Me, Part III

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with fear to the news that there is a costly problem with the order for customer x.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger to the news that there is a costly problem with the order for customer x.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with resentment towards my customer to when he indicated that he would like certain items replaced.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belittle my customer in order to feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I cannot resist going into a reaction’ and then as a consequence I accepted and allowed myself to go into a whole personality system of reaction that lasted for about an hour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take pleasure in the emotional reactions that I went through in response to this event.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved by fear – the fear of losing money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to the potential of losing money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to my fear of losing money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my fear reaction to my fear of losing money, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear which then charges up my initial fear of losing money, making it worse where it feeds its in an endless cycle-loop where my only solution is to completely stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be driven by fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved by fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be become angry at my customer for making me afraid of losing money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my customer for my fear of losing money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my customer for my fear reaction of losing money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my anger within the point that ‘I am in fear and cannot stop myself.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot stop myself from reacting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pre-program a system of reactions / a personality that springs forth at the right time so that I can entertain myself with the reaction sequence that unfolds in response to certain events.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a liking and a taste for going into reactions and personalities where I actually like and enjoy this experience and thus it makes it difficult for me to ‘resist’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to balance out the fear reaction with the pleasure of the reaction / sequence / personality that springs forth in response where I react with anger, spite, belittling the customer / being, humor for an hour or so, until the fear energy diminishes and the energy of these reactions diminish.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reactive ‘impulsively’, like to go immediately into a reaction / personality to a specific event, in reaction to an already existing fear reaction, without even taking a breath and in-spite of the common sense to just stop and simply breathe, that was also part of my awareness in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will ‘feel better’ if I go into a reaction sequence of anger and spite mixed with humor in order to alleviate the fear reaction that is already playing out within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be entertained by the reactions that I go into.  And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose to exist within and as the entertainment of my own mind instead of remaining here and just simply existing within and as the physical, as the breath, here.

To be continued…