Day 10 – Never Enough Time to Write Part IV - My Relationship with Time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to define time differently from moment to moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define time as ‘my time’.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am creating a positive/negative polarity in my relationship to time by labeling time as ‘my time’ in which I look positively towards and the ‘rest of my time’ in which I look negatively towards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge ‘my time’ as positive/good.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that within charging time that I have defined as ‘my time’ as good that I then look for things to do in this time that I have defined as ‘fun’ thus looking to fulfill my preconceived definition of ‘my time’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought that ‘If I am not filling ‘my time’ with activities that I have defined as ‘fun’ then I will be bored and unfulfilled and unable to express myself to my fullest potential.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought that ‘if I am not enjoying ‘my time’ then I am not ‘living life’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing any activity that I have not defined as ‘fun’ or as ‘exciting’ or as ‘interesting’ or as ‘stimulating’ during time that I have defined as ‘my time’.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that all time is in-fact equal and within that what I do with myself during any duration of ‘time’ must be brought into consideration of what is best for all in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I define time as ‘my time’ I create a trap for myself wherein I am able to excuse and justify doing what is not best for all in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change characters and personalities based on how I have defined the time that I have as ‘my time’ wherein I act and participate in personalities that are reserved for ‘my time’ and when I am not in ‘my time’ I then participate in different personalities.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am suppressing personalities until the appointed ‘my time’ that I desire to release these patterns in and that within that I am not living here one and equal in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not, see, realize, and understand that all I really have is every ‘here’ moment and that is the real ‘my time’ - the time that I have to be the real ‘me’ when I am right here in and as the breath directing myself and not submitting to patterns, desires, urges, energy fixes, and fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from ‘time’ by defining ‘time’ differently based on what activities I must practically participate-in to sustain myself as a physical being in this ‘capitalist system of survival’ where I fight for my survival each and every day at work and then fight for my survival of ‘expression’ by declaring my ‘me time’ when I am not working.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought ‘that my time must be filled with things that I like to do’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing things that I have defined as things that I would not like to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to especially resist doing things that I have defined as things that I would not like to do when I am in a time period that I have defined as ‘my time’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the ‘thought that ‘if I do not participate in what it is that I have defined as ‘fun’ when I do have what it is that I have defined as ‘my time’ that I will not be happy, not be content, not be satisfied, and will be bored.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the words ‘happy, content, and satisfied’ as positive in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the words ‘happy, content, and satisfied within doing something that I have defined as ‘fun’ outside of myself, in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am happy, content, and satisfied in every moment of breath, here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire things and activities outside of myself to make me happy, content, and satisfied.

When and as I see myself participating in defining time as ‘my time’ I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to define time in separation of myself here because I see realize, and understand that all time is equal and that all that I am required to do in every moment of breath is what is best for all within my taking care of my basic needs first and then moving out from there within the starting point of what is best for all in every moment of breath.

When and as I see myself participating in the thought that ‘I am not able to enjoy, or express myself, or have fun unless I am participating in things that I have defined as fun, or want to do in the moment when I do have time that I have defined as ‘my time’’, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to participate in thoughts that I need to have ‘fun’ when I have ‘my time’ in separation of myself because I realize that I am ‘fun’ and I am what I am looking for when I am here in every here moment of breath.

When and as I see myself participating in the emotional experience of ‘boredom’ because of my participation in the thought that ‘I am not able to participate in what I ‘want’ to do in ‘my time’’, I stop and I breathe because I do not accept and allow myself to participate in thoughts, feelings, and emotions.