Friday, November 23, 2012

Day 12 - Never Enough Time to Write Part VI - Never Enough Time for Anything

I feel as if I do not have enough time to write my SRA assignments, or to get sales proposals done, or get enough quotes done in order to ensure I take in enough income because of the strain on my time in regards to spending ‘family’ time with my partner and kids and also take care of all the responsibilities at home. Within this I also fear that whatever task I chose to do is in a way wasting time because I am not able to work on another task which also needs to be done; or to just spend time with my partner and kids as to not ignore them which leads to ‘relationship’ problems. So, no matter what I do I always have an underlying feeling of haste, where I am not able to just be here doing what I have decided it is that I need to do one and equal with what I am doing.

I remember when I was a child that my parents would seem to cut-short my visit with my cousins when visiting and it always being disappointing and sad to have to leave before I was ready to go because I was having so much fun playing. So, therefore I always had underlying anxiety when playing with my cousins, or even my friends, because I always knew that inevitably suddenly I would have to be taken away from them.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself and my life to be governed by time.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed time to come before self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘not having enough time’ to fear – and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am wasting time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘wasting my time’ to fear – and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be late.

I forgive myself for accepted and allowing myself to connect ‘being late’ to fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am wasting time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘wasting time’ to fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having multiple projects/responsibilities at the same time to accomplish.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘having multiple projects/responsibilities at the same time’ to fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear and anxiety at the possibility that I will not be able submit a sales proposal to customer in time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘not being able to submit a sales proposal on time to a customer’ to fear - and thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety while wanting to ‘get fast’ to a certain point or place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I may not have enough time to spending with my kids and partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘the possibility that I may not have enough or spend enough time with my partner’ to fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that whatever activity I participate in may be abruptly cut-short due to something outside of my control and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach almost everything with fear of not having enough time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘the possibility that whatever activity I participate in may be abruptly cut-short due to something outside of my control’ to fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear things that I perceive are outside of my control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘things that are outside of my control’ to fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I may not have enough time to complete my SRA assignments in light of the fact that I have so many other responsibilities and personal desires competing for my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘that I may not have enough time to complete my SRA assignments in light of the fact that I have so many other responsibilities and personal desires competing for my time’ to fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety when doing any particular project due to the possibility of not having enough time – thinking, therefore, that I am wasting my time and running out of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety the moment that I think of all the things that I need to do and need to be done in relation to how much time that I have.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be taken over by an energetic mind possession of haste when I believe or see I don’t have enough time to complete a certain task or project, while I believe this task to be very important.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear to lose time.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘losing time’ to fear – and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

When an as I see myself going into fear of not being able to complete a project on time, or not being able to spend time with friends and family, I stop, I breath. I do not accept and allow myself to participate in the emotion of fear in separation of myself here as life, as the breath of life.

When an as I see myself going into the mind-possession of haste and anxiety – I stop, I breathe, I bring myself back here one and equal as the breath/the physical. I simply breathe through this mind-possession, stopping my mind, not participating in this energetic possession until it passes and I am here, clear.

When and as I see myself going into anxiety regarding time, I stop, I breathe. I bring myself back here one and equal with the physical as me, as who I am, and then prioritize my time as effectively as possible and discipline myself to pay attention to the completion of the particular task or project taking into consideration myself and others and everything that is involved, from an equal and one perspective - realizing that going into worry, or haste, or fear/anxiety does not solve anything and only serves to trap me into and as my mind as energy in separation.

From this moment forward, I will flag moments where I perceive or have limited time, the value and importance placed in a specific task, project, or point of participation and the beings for whom I want to perform well. Then I will simply prioritize, plan, execute, and breathe through all mind interference remaining here, one and equal with all as me, stable in and as the breath.

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