For instance, when I sit down to write, often times I will
take a ‘quick few seconds (that often become minutes and even hours)’ to surf
the internet and read about various wars, or rumors of wars, or the economy, or
political interests, or a multitude of other interests such that mostly have to
do with the condition of our world and the so many forms of suffering that we
all go through all over the planet; or I will get on Facebook, or check out the
main desteni.org site (again after just checking it out) to see if anyone
responded to my latest post, or I will check my email accounts, or I will practice
piano, or I will play online chess, or watch TV. I guess you can say that I spend a lot of
time in the ‘digital’ world, and although these activities are not problems in
and of themselves, they are all serving as ‘attention diversions’ to my being ‘here’
with myself directing myself in every moment of breath doing what is necessary
to be done within the starting point of oneness and equality and what is best
for all.
I also participate in these ‘attention diversions’ to almost
the same extent while at work.
My reason for allowing myself to participate in these ‘attention
diversions’ is that I reach a point, quite often and quite easily, where I just
simply need more ‘stimulation’ than what I can get while working or writing
self-forgiveness, because of my participation in thoughts that ‘I am bored’ or ‘writing
of working isn’t fun’.
In addition to these ‘attention diversions’ I also be caught
up in things that I actually do need to tend to such as working, spending time
with the kids and partner and family on occasion, taking care of my kids,
taking care of my pets, taking care of my house, or cooking for the family or
just myself, of which I participate in these activities all to a certain degree
that I feel is adequate, within being ‘responsible’. In addition to my consistent work schedule, I
am often times ‘whisked away’ to go take care of these responsibilities as they
occur; and therefore my time is very difficult to manage in general, and often
times even more difficult to manage because of the fact that I waste so much of
the time that I do have on ‘attention diversions’.
So, I see how these ‘attention diversions’ are serving to
assist me in abdicating my self-responsibility because by participating in
these ‘attention diversions’ I am not directing myself in every moment and
thereby giving my power away to that which is ‘catching’ my attention because I
am deliberately allowing myself to be distracted because I don’t want to do
what is required to be done in every moment of breath from the starting point
of equality and oneness and what is best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my attention to
be diverted away and separate from me here.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be
here as breath in every moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow
my curiosity and ‘lose myself’ within entertainment, playing piano, reading on
the internet, playing chess all while in the meantime not being aware of who I
am here in the moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately
distract myself from what is here, because I do not want to do what requires to
be done in the here moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately
distract myself from what is here because I do not want to hear what is begin
said in this moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that I need to be ‘stimulated’ in some way, whether it be reading about
something interesting, or eating, or playing piano, or getting on Facebook, or
watching TV, or playing chess, or socializing, or going to an event, to be having
‘fun’ and enjoying my ‘life’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
separate myself from being right here as breath by participating in the thought
that I need to ‘do something fun (outside of myself here) in order to be enjoying
my life’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe and participate in the thought that ‘I cannot just be right here as
breath in every moment, but that I need to be stimulated and entertained’.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see,
realize, and understand that what I am doing by participating in the thought
that ‘I cannot just be right here as breath in every moment because I need to
be stimulated and entertained’ is in-fact justifying the seeking of an energy
fix/high to ‘stimulate’ me as my mind in order to continue my existence as a
mind consciousness system.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to connect the
thought that ‘if I am not doing something in this very moment that is stimulating
and entertaining then I will not enjoy my life’ to the emotional experience of
being ‘bored’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
participate in and create the emotional experience of being bored which I use
as an excuse to seek an energy fix by doing something that entertains me as my
mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that life is boring by just being here in every moment as breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear being bored.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear just being here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘break-up’
the time that I do have to write by participating in fleeting passions and
desires as to derive energy from something, anything, rather than to discipline
myself within every moment of breath to be ‘here’ so as to be the most
effective that I can be within the starting point of oneness and equality and
what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that I cannot just be ‘here’ within and as breath as me directing me
from start to finish each and every time that I write self-honesty, self –forgiveness,
and corrective application.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
follow my thoughts, feelings, and emotions because of my idea of this being
necessary for me to be a ‘happy and content being’, in separation of myself
here as life.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see,
realize, and understand that the only reason I participate in ‘attention
diversions’ is so that I can avoid being ‘here’ directing myself in and as each
and every breath.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see,
realize, and understand that the constant ‘need’ I have to find out the latest
on what is going on in the world, or with the economy, or on the desteni site,
or on Facebook is only because of my need to participate in an ‘attention
diversions’ to keep me from being here with myself in each and every breath
because I fear being here with myself in each and every breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear the stopping of my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear that if I remain ‘here’ and direct myself as life within each and every
breath that I will not ‘live’ that I will not ‘enjoy’ myself and that I will therefore
be ‘bored’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
define ‘living’ and ‘enjoyment’ within seeking activities that I can derive
energy from outside of myself thereby supporting myself as my mind in separation
of myself ‘here’ as life; and within that I forgive myself that I have not
accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that ‘living’ and ‘enjoying’
myself is something that I do in every ‘here’ moment of breath while remaining ‘here’
in equality and oneness – that when I participate in the thought that I need to
do something ‘out there’ to enjoy myself or have fun, that this is a flag-point
for me to see that I am abdicating myself to my mind which requires energy to
survive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
not see and acknowledge to myself that when I participate in ‘attention
diversions’ I am diverting myself from being ‘here’ within the breath so that I
can live me as my mind; and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not act when I see these flag points by simply taking
myself back to being ‘here’ by breathing and living here one and equal within and
as each and every breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ‘attention
diversions’ to stop me from realizing myself as life.
When and as I see myself going into the thought that ‘I need
to go on the internet , or play piano, or watch TV, or get on Facebook so that
I can avoid being bored’ as an attention diversion when I sit down to write or
when I am at work or working around the house, I stop and I breathe until I am
clear and bring myself back here as the breath, because I see, realize and understand
that my need to be stimulated because of my fear of being bored is of my mind
and can be stopped within breathing and being here. Furthermore I see, realize, and understand
that creating ‘attention diversions’ so that I can avoid being ‘here’ doing
what needs to be done is exactly what is standing in my way of stopping my mind
and birthing myself as life in oneness and equality.
When and as I see myself going into the emotional experience
of being fearful of being bored and then seeking to participate in an ‘attention
diversion’ when I sit down to write or am at work, I stop myself in that very
moment and bring myself back to myself in and as breath. I bring my attention back here as the breath
in equality and oneness keeping myself’ here’ as the breath so that my
attention is not able to be directed separate from me ‘here’ and not able to be
diverted outside of myself.
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