Day 5 - Getting Angry at the Small Stuff Demon

A while back, I was really busy at work and I felt overwhelmed and had a lot of resistance within me to getting things done. Although I pushed through, I felt overwhelmed and like I would rather be doing something else throughout the day. Although I did not, I had urges to smoke a cigarette just to break-up the feeling of being overwhelmed and the underlying boredom. I also desired to be a child again because a child does not have to 'work' to survive. In fact, I was trying to figure out all kinds of things to do that would break things up and escape my reality of having to work very hard today, but was not able to do so mainly because I had so much to do I had no choice but to keep my head down and get my work done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the thoughts – 'I don't want to work as hard as I need to get what I need to get done done' to exist within and as me.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the emotional experience of being 'overwhelmed' to the thought 'I don't want to work as hard as I need to get what I need to get done done' to exist within and as me.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the self-created emotional experience of being overwhelmed to trigger the thought 'If only I was a child – then I would not have to work to survive.'

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire/want to be a child again.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the desire/want to be a child to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought 'I do not want to be here at work today'. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought 'I wish I were doing something fun, exciting, and stimulating' to exist within and as me.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to -through my participation within the thoughts 'I don't want to be here working today and I wish I were doing something more exciting' to become bored.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in my self-created emotional experience of boredom.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to – through my participation within the thoughts 'I don't want to be here working today and I wish I were doing something more exciting' to become restless. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my self-created emotional experience of restlessness to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to direct my self-created boredom through my participation within the thoughts 'I don't want to be here working today and that work is slavery and should be fun and entertaining' towards my work in resisting what it is that I need to get done.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to through my participation in the construct of boredom to become restless to the point where I took more breaks than necessary and was not focused completely here when doing my work.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to through my participation within the thoughts that I am bored and would rather be doing something else to connect the emotional experience of restlessness.

I forgive myself for a accepting and allowing the image/picture of me smoking a cigarette in which I am standing outside not thinking of anything except the “enjoyment” of the cigarette to relieve the mind-possession of boredom to exist within and as me.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect this image of me smoking a cigarette outside taking a break and enjoying myself to the thought – that 'I really want a cigarette'

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect 'being stimulated with something exciting' to the picture of me smoking a cigarette outside enjoying myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the words enjoyment and stimulation within the picture of me smoking a cigarette outside taking a break enjoying myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I require to be smoking a cigarette outside to enjoy myself and feel stimulated.

 

I forgive myself or accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from 'stimulation and excitement' through defining these words in separation of myself within a picture of me smoking a cigarette outside enjoying myself taking a break.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the words 'stimulation and excitement' through defining these words as doing almost anything but working, in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold an expectation that work and life should be 'fun' and 'entertaining'.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge work as not fun and exciting. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect my work to always be 'fun' and 'entertaining'.

 

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that to hold expectations of work of any kind is of the mind and exists in separation from what is here and what it is in-fact that needs to be done.

 

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that to not allow myself to be here in the presence of breath because of my participation in my self-created boredom is self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word 'work' with a negative value. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word work as 'negative/bad/slavery within my mind.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word 'work' through judging the work 'work' as 'bad', 'negative', 'a form of slavery'.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word work within 'doing things that I would not normally like to do because I have to survive because I have no choice which is slavery'.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word 'work' and from slavery through defining the word 'work' within slavery in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word 'work' to a picture in my mind of a bunch of worker bees in a labor camp.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word 'work' and from a labor camp through defining 'work' within a forced labor camp in separation of myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a picture of a forced labor camp where everyone is dressed the same and is unhappy – to exist within and as me.

 

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect this picture of a forced labor camp to the thought 'that work is slavery and only done under compulsion'.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the concept of working by force and being unhappy to the picture in my mind of a forced labor camp where the inhabitants are all the same and do not have their own mind.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from 'work' through defining work in separation of myself within a picture of a forced labor camp.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have defined work within memories of me working lots of hours, and making little money in return, with the experience of being bored and stressed-out . 

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to memories of me working lots of hours, being stress-out, and making little money in return.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from work through defining work within memories of working lots of hours, being stressed-out, and making little money in return, in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that work is here as me, as what needs to be done regardless of how I have defined it within my mind, in every moment of breath.