Day 3 – Never Enough Time to Write Part VII - Fear of not having anything to write about

Everyday when faced with having to write, I go into a fear that I have nothing to write about. This fear originates from the actual experience of being speechless, so-to-speak, when I sit down to write. I guess another way to put it is going blank.

The reason why I fear this is because I know that it is in everyone’s and my best interest that I sit down and write daily in order to investigate and dig through my shit so that I can release it through self-forgiveness and corrective statements and breathing. I cannot begin to change if I cannot correctly self-investigate what it is that I have accepted and allowed thoroughly and this is facilitated through writing. So, the fear comes up because of my participation in the thoughts that whatever it is that is on my mind, or in my awareness, is not qualified to be something to write about, and also, because of my participation in thoughts that I cannot think of exactly what to write about any given subject in detail, or in details worthy of putting on paper.

So I guess that I have also been participating in defining, either through comparison to others or self-judgment, my points of awareness as being qualified to write about. I suppose that within this I am forming a rating system of the various points that I see whereby I rate certain ones as worthy of writing and others as not worthy of writing.

I see that this actually stifles my ability to write out all the mind constructs of what I have accepted and allowed to exist as me within separation, which of course keeps me locked in my program – my programmed reality of me as a mind-consciousness system existing in separation from what is here as me.

The fear is also coming from the point that if I cannot think of anything to write, I cannot change, and therefore maybe will not change – and within that, I see that I have a fear of not being able to change. But, when I feed into this fear/resistance I see that I am actually making this my reality and so therefore I see realize and understand that I must face this point head-on and stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thoughts that I do not have anything to write about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thoughts that I do not have the ability to write out, the various points of separation that exist within me, to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being not able to go through, in writing, any given point effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within my participation within the thoughts that I do not have anything to write, form a resistance to the activity of writing so that I do not have to face this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the emotional reaction of fear to the thoughts that I do not have anything to write about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form, participate, and connect the emotion of resistance to my participation in the thought that I should not have to dig and sort through my shit (thoughts, feelings, and emotions) daily and that within this I have not allowed myself to realize that this resistance is me finding a way to not have to face myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed thoughts that I am not capable of sorting through my per-programmed mind effectively and thoroughly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my participation within the thoughts that I am not able to sort through my mind effectively and thoroughly, as to affect change, that I have connected the emotions of fear and resistance to doing so.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I cannot hide from myself, through not facing or avoiding facing what I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as me and that within this I have refused to see that I, as a result of avoiding facing myself, have been giving my approval to this reality as it exists in its entirety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that what is best for all is that I apply myself daily and either breath through any resistance or write it out if breathing is not doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my fear of not being able to change to hide behind so that I will not have to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly desire to not have to change because of my participation in the thoughts that I like myself the way that I am and the things that I don’t like about myself I still accept because I have participated in the thoughts that I am only human.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to uphold my secret desire to not have to change because of my participation in the thoughts: ‘that I secretly desire to not have to change and that I like myself the way that I am and the things that I don’t like about myself I still accept because I I am only human’ and that have I have allowed to connect these thoughts to the emotion of resistance to the activity of writing that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the excuse that I do not have time to apply myself effectively because of my secret desire to resist change which is connected to thoughts that I want to ‘believe, think, and perceive I want and only what is best for me’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define daily writing as ‘homework’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to defined homework as ‘boring’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word ‘homework’ as negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from work, the word work, by defining and categorizing any and all activities that I feel that I am compelled to do as work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word ‘work’ as negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define work as doing something that I am compelled to do and within this charge the word negatively and resist everything that I define as work in separation of myself and what is here as what is needed to be done.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that what is needed to be done, I cannot get around, and that to define such activities as work and then thereby form resistance only serves to separate myself from what is here and what is needed to be done.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to embrace work as myself – within the realization that all of what is needed to be done is of me and only has a value of what I give it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to classify work that is in addition to what I have to do to survive as ‘homework’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to negatively charge this word and then define certain things within and as homework.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the emotion of resistance to homework because of the value and definition I have given it and all those activities I have defined as homework.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that everything that I do must have the staring point of what is best for all – and within this I will have to do certain things to survive in this system, certain things to stop my mind, and certain things to care and maintain for my environment and those around me – and all these things I put in separation of myself, putting myself as higher-than/better-than those activities when I accept and allow myself to define and then resist these activities as boring or tedious or homework.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that what I want to do is up to me and something that I can program myself to and as through self application.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that what I want to do is defined by me through the values that I give activities that I participate in or resist participating in.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am able to re-program myself to embrace daily writing as a self-expression of me here as life with the simple application of writing and facing my self-created resistances and fears to doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-deception that I have convinced myself of that I do not want to write, that I am not able to write daily, that I am not able to go through my mind consciousness system effectively as to re-program it/myself as and to what is best for all- and within this realize that everything of me is up to me – I create my own experience of myself.

When and as I see myself resisting writing myself to freedom because of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that I am not able to sort through my per-programmed design effectively, I stop, I breath. I do not allow thoughts, feeling, and emotions to exist within and as me that form a resistance to daily writing and application.

When and as I see myself fearing the facing of myself in and as my daily application to writing and speaking self-forgiveness, I stop, and I breath. I realize that this experience of me is only real when I permit, accept and allow it, and therefore do not allow this.

When and as I see myself telling myself that I do not want to write because I have accepted and allowed myself to define writing as boring or as homework, I breath, I stop. I realize that I have negatively charged the words homework and boring, in separation of myself, and placed (value) withing these words thereby forming resistance because I do not want to be bored (negative) or do homework (negative) which is only an excuse that I have used to stay lost within my mind.