Day 14 - The Desire for the Truth

I pursued the ‘truth’ from my early teen years.  As soon as I started thinking critically, I started questioning my reality.  Over the years I went through a multitude of potential truths such as New Ageism, Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, etc. and always found points that did not add-up in each system.  I also realized that there could not be a truth so long as everyone had a different idea of the truth.  This realization, however, did not act as a point for me to investigate within myself within self-honesty the nature of truth of my truth. 

 

So, I finally got to, what I perceived at the time as the ultimate truth – that god will save all mankind.  This was the best truth that I could come up with and even that didn’t add up.  But I held this belief system because it was the best that I knew of.  I lived this truth as much as I could. 

 

Then finally, one day, I came across some the Desteni message via the portal interviews on YouTube.  I watched the interviews on ‘truth’ and slowly but surely these interviews burst my whole truth bubble because these interviews got my attention to start looking at the point that all these truths could not be ‘true’ if they all exist at the same time and that what I was missing the whole time was the ‘truth’ of what is right here on this planet that simply requires self-honest observation to see the truth of what we have all accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become.  This was something that I avoided to look at before because I did not see the here and now of this physical world as relevant because I saw the truth as something outside of myself to be experienced through knowledge.  In fact, one thing that turned me off of the Desteni message for quite some time was the video where Jack stated that we had to write out the truth of ourselves.  I did not want this. 

 

I wanted to know the truth and leave it at that.  I did not want to do the work to find out the truth of myself and how I have accepted and allowed the truth of this physical reality to exist because of what I participate in within my own mind.  Writing was a major point of resistance for me, and still is, because I simply do not want to the work.  That is the truth.  The truth is that I chose to remain enslaved to the mind, and thereby still support this system as it is now, just because I did not want to take the time to face myself with writing, self-honesty, and self-forgiveness and corrective application.

 

So, the pursuit of the truth as systems of knowledge and information is really an act of self-deception because when we pursue the truth within belief systems or systems of thought of any kind, we are avoiding facing the truth of ourselves, which is the truth – the real truth.  The truth is that this world is reflecting back to us what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become because of what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to participate in within our own minds; and within this, when we seek the truth in systems of knowledge and information we not only deceive ourselves, but we also refuse to face ourselves - I refused to face myself.  So, in seeking the truth within and as systems of knowledge and information whether it be in the form of religions, science, philosophy or spirituality, this is actually an act of self-deception and an act of refusing to face the truth of ourselves as what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become which is shown to us every day in this physical reality which is reflecting back to us all the truth, the truth of ourselves, the truth of me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to find ‘the truth’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek the ‘know the truth’ within systems of knowledge and information.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘the truth is out there’, while the only real truth that exists – exists here as who I am in every moment of breath.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the ‘truth’ be seeking truth outside of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that truth and deception exists in a polarity equation towards each other and as such, they are one and the same.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the truth of myself as this world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the seeking of the truth as a means to ignore the truth of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within ‘searching for the truth’ I will miss the obvious truth as it is reflected within everything of this world – as this world is a manifested physical mirror of the nature as the truth that is me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the ‘truth’ is something beautiful, amazing, and superior to me, where I am not able to understand the truth unless I seek it diligently every day always looking to a ‘greater understanding’ in separation of myself here, as life as the physical – when in fact, truth as who I am is not pretty at all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the ‘truth’ is mysterious and only comes from reading the right information.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that only certain beings are ‘granted the privilege’ of knowledge and understanding which creates and supports the paradigm of superior/inferior within this physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the truth and the seeking of the truth to set myself apart as superior to others who do not ‘have the truth’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within seeing myself as superior because I have the truth, to not see, realize, and understand that I in-fact see myself as inferior and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the ‘truth’ as a way to define me as superior in separation of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the facing of the truth of myself within writing self-forgiveness.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect writing the truth of myself to fear and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

 

Self – Corrective Actions:

 

When and as I see myself going into the desire to seek, know, and understand the truth within systems of knowledge and information, I stop, I breathe.  I see, realize, and understand that the only truth that really exists is the truth of who I am in each and every breath and the truth of this physical reality which is reflecting back to me the truth of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.  I further realize that the application of writing, self-honesty, self-forgiveness and corrective application are the only way to ever really ‘know the truth’ which is to be lived in every moment of breath as a living expression of who I am in every moment, which is not dependent on systems of knowledge and information.

 

When and as I see myself going into the feeling of superiority because I ‘know the truth’, even the truth of me, I stop, I breathe.  I do not accept and allow myself to participate in the emotion of superiority/inferiority because I see, realize, and understand that supporting myself as superior within the knowledge of the truth, even the knowledge that the only truth is the truth of me, is an act of separation and supports the existence of this physical reality as it is now. 

 

From this point forward, I commit myself to live the truth as me from the starting point of oneness and equality through applying self-honesty in every moment when I see a thought, feeling, or emotion come up and apply self-forgiveness immediately.  This is my own self-truth.