Day 4 - Desire

Ever since I was a young child I have been trained and taught that to desire something outside of myself is a good and noble thing to do, and therefore never thought twice about it. As a child I was bombarded with commercials advertising the next best toy almost daily. My friends also would be getting the next cool toy and bragging about it. Therefore reinforcing my desire for things outside of myself to satisfy me. Even more-so, the myth of Christmas and Santa Clause as perpetrated by my parents and society at all levels taught us to look forward to this mysterious jolly fat cardinal type, who lavished us with gifts for no good reason except that we were 'good', which just served to create an experience of 'happiness' and 'joy' at the thought/concept and practice of receiving gifts and things thereby fostering and reinforcing my desire for more stuff outside of myself.

Then as an adult, this desire for stuff outside of myself to bring me joy and happiness and power transferred to the desire for sex, money, cars, a beautiful home, and a beautiful family. Wherein I, without thinking, embarked upon my adulthood as a mindless consumer, competing against all others for the best mate, the best stuff, and the most money so that I can pursue happiness and freedom, just as I was taught as a child.

This desire for stuff outside myself, however, never can truly satisfy me or anyone for that matter because what I am was really searching for all along, even as a child, was myself, to find myself and be satisfied here, in the simplicity of breath, not desiring anything outside of self to make me happy, to give me a since of power or to address my fear of loss. However, this never occurred to me because I never considered that what I am looking for is already here, as me in the simplicity of breath, already sufficient, satisfied, and complete. And within this misplaced search for myself, I manifested desires for things outside of self thereby separating me from all of existence as me, rendering me powerless, and dependent on “things out” there to make me 'happy' and 'feel powerful' and 'feel secure' with who I am, which of course is impossible.

I forgive myself that as a child I accepted and allowed myself separate myself from myself through my desire for toys and games, which I desired to possess, through accepting and allowing myself to define 'fun' and 'happiness' within obtaining toys and things outside of myself in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my partner through accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a winner/superior male within having a relationship with my partner, outside and separate from myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from money, which I desire to possess, through accepting and allowing myself to define my power, the point of myself that I look for in money, within money, outside and separate from myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from having a home through accepting and allowing myself to define myself as one who has/desires a beautiful home within desiring a beautiful home outside and separate from myself.

I forgive myself that that I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from having a family, which I desire to possess, through accepting and allowing myself to define myself within the point of having a beautiful family in separation of myself here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire to have a perfect body, being the perfect picture presentation within this reality, in separation of myself here.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that desire is that point within and as each and every single one within existence of the endless journey and search for and of self.

I forgive myself that that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that what the 'designers or creators of this existence, this reality, and of the mind consciousness system, did with the inherent self -natured expression as desire existent within and as all, is: take this expression of desire, which is the endless search of journey of self, and incorporated it into manifested pictured projected desires related to this holographic manifested reality. Meaning, the experience of desire signifies that who I am is not 'here', that I am in separation of me here and that the desire exists as the actual manifested experience of the endless search and journey of and for self.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that all these desires existent within me are but a manifested reflection of what actual desire really is. - that desire is actually me searching for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand, the mind consciousness system design reflection of desire, as believing that when I am desiring to be within the perfect relationship, have the perfect home, have lots of money, have the perfect family – all that I am doing is chasing a desire, a reflected manifested picture desire, form me to ensure my constant and continuous enslavement – because what I am doing is chasing something 'out there' that is manifested in my mind for me to chase.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my experience of desire is where I see a point outside myself that I want and in-fact what I want, being outside of myself, is therefore becomes more than 'me' from the perspective that I would rather 'go to' that desire than remain here with me, standing one and equal with myself in full attention of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand, that within my participation in 'desire' of a point outside of myself, I am abandoning myself completely. Existing completely 'out there' rather than 'here' as me, and within this separating me from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into my thought, into my mind, into my desires, into pictures, into emotional and feeling experiences, at the expense of myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within participating in picture-presentation desires outside of myself, I have actually gotten lost in desire and forget, who I really am, and therefore no longer recognize me, or even consider myself any longer, as I am nowhere to be found as I am existing completely within and as pictures, thoughts, feelings, emotions – desires of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to live other people's lives. I perceive others experiencing themselves in a way that I believe I would like to experience myself as, where it seems that they have all the pieces of the puzzle in place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within attempting to live another persons life, to experience myself as 'wanting' and within this 'wanting' attempt to live other peoples lives, like trying to become another person, so to speak, because then I would be them and experience all the pieces of the puzzle they have, which I want, in separation of myself here as life one and equal with all as me.

I forgive myself that within this want to live another's life, I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that as long as I place that which I want, that which can apparently make me feel more alive, or feel better or 'add' to my experience – out there somewhere, I am missing myself here. And therefore experience myself as never being fulfilled, because I am not filling myself, simply standing fully here as me – taking self into consideration in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see realize and understand that where I 'need' anything 'out there' that is 'more than me' to become and experience 'more' – that that is not equality, that is separation.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that the sexual orgasmic experience that I have participated in is an energetic experience created by the mind, and thus, that energetic sexual orgasmic experience that is so great is actual actually the experience that I am having as my mind-consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be satisfied with merely being the simplicity of the breath of life, as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought that there is always 'something wrong' or 'not right' and therefore 'I need to do or acquire something outside of self.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within participating in the thought that there is 'always something wrong or not right' that therefore I have to go on my path 'to greatness or 'self-discovery' outside of self trying or attempting to fill the 'void' of not being satisfied with just being here in the simplicity of and as the breath of life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to search for myself outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have 'lost' myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am able to find myself outside of myself – instead of realizing and accepting that: I am here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to follow my desires.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the actual manifested definition of desire is that point within and as each and every single one within existence of the endless journey and search for and of self.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blindly follow my desires, believing that these desires are who I am and that it is in my benefit to now act on my desires – when actually desires are merely sexual energy that was transferred into my mind, from those that participate in the sexual orgasmic experience, and that such desires exist to distract me from myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from everything and everyone that exists through my desire for something or someone 'out there' to satisfy me and complete me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as equal and one as all and everything that exists, but instead have pursued wholeness and 'completion' within relationships, within having the perfect marriage, having the perfect house, having money, being spiritual'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as 'less than' / 'inferior' to others within my desire for others to fulfill me or complete me without realizing that I alone am complete and fulfilled here within and as the simplicity of the breath.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I desire something, it is because I believe that that which I desire can 'give me' something, as though that something is not already who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in nagging feelings of 'something's wrong', 'I am not satisfied', 'I am not complete', 'I am bored', 'I am not fulfilled' – and to believe such experiences to be real, to be me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need/require to be in a relationship with someone in order for me to be complete, fulfilled and satisfied with myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that if I am in a relationship, I am still here and I am still me and nothing has actually changed in relation to 'who I am'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need/require to have a sexual orgasmic experience in order for me to be complete, fulfilled and satisfied with myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that an orgasmic experience only lasts for a moment and then I am back to being with myself and that 'who I am' has not actually changed – therefore, the orgasmic experience did not actually complete me, or fulfill or satisfy me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that spontaneous desires that come up are not actually 'my desires' – these desires are transferred into me through human beings having sexual orgasmic experience within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought that 'something's wrong or not right or that I am bored and therefore need to do something or acquire something out there separate from myself here to complete myself, fulfill myself, to be satisfied with myself.'

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see realize and understand that the thought/feeling that 'something is wrong, not right, or I am bored, and need something outside myself to complete myself, fulfill myself, or be satisfied with myself,' is generated through the design of need to keep human beings enslaved within relationships through which they believe they are 'completing', 'fulfilling', 'satisfying' themselves. And that those experiences are created by and through my mind consciousness system to have me continue to search for myself outside of myself, in separation of myself, thereby giving my power away to a hidden elite and rendering myself helpless in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when acting upon a point of desire such as the desire for money, the desire for power, the desire for the perfect relationship, the perfect family, the perfect house, the perfect body, that I, in fact, see myself as 'less than' that which I desire because that which I desire is needed to make me whole and complete and without it I am lacking and in need of something outside of myself in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to within my participation within desire, for something or someone outside of myself to complete me, to not accept myself as myself as already that what I desire as already whole here in the simplicity of breath.

When and as I see myself going into/participating in the desire for money, power, success, prestige, recognition, the perfect house, the perfect body, the perfect mate, the perfect relationship, I stop I breath because I realize and accept that who I am is here and that I am equal and one to all that is here.

When and as I see myself feeling the need for support or completion within relationships, I stop, I breath because I realize and accept self-support; that I am able to support myself, that I do not require to look for support in relationship with a partner, with money, with anything that I see and believe than completes me and supports me. I realize and accept that to exist as me would be then to remain here as with me, me as my physical body, from the perspective of using the physical body to assist and support me to remain here with me, where I have absolute and full attention on me in every moment, no longer accepting and allowing myself to abandon myself in 'flights of fantasy' and desires outside of myself to complete me or support me or fulfill me, where I fly away into my mind, into thoughts, ideas, pictures, emotions, feelings, desires.

When and as I see myself participating in the desire for money, I stop, I breath. I realize and accept that I do not require money to be powerful – the power derived from money is not actual real power because as soon as the money is gone, the perceived power goes with it. Therefore that experience of power was never actually real, was never actually me, of me as me.

When and as I see myself participating in desire for something or someone outside of myself to complete me or to support me or to make me happy or give me power, I stop, I breathe because I realize and accept that I do not 'need' anything 'out there' that is 'more than me' to become and experience 'more'. I see, realize, and understand that equality and oneness is standing here equal. Where everything exists equally here, wherein, if I have something or do not have something, I do not 'change', from the perspective of becoming or experiencing myself as more or less. From the perspective of equality, I simply am the 'same' in every moment. Equal with all.

When and as I see myself going into desire for something or someone outside of self, therefore perceiving myself as 'less than what I desire' or lacking, I stop and breathe. I realize and accept that the point of self-acceptance is to accept self here equal to all points that exist, where no point outside or inside self is 'more' or 'less'. And from this perspective, rather than existing in a state of want or desire, trying to get something, seeking something, I express fulfillment within the realization that self is equal to all points, and therefore I stop looking 'out there' because I see, realize, and understand that there exists nothing else that will make me experience myself more than who I am in this moment with just me alone, in the simplicity of breath, in the physical, here.