Day 113 - Knowledge Addiction

I get an energetic charge from acquiring knowledge and information. It makes me feel good to go through the process of acquiring knowledge and information. That is how I found Desteni. I was searching for the 'answers'. I was already ready everything I could find before Desteni, and then after Desteni I read and watched all their videos. I've even been depressed to a certain extent that I am now through most of their knowledge and information. I mean, I already watched the entire HOM like 5 times and a whole lot of other videos about everything else and now its like fuck, “where do I go from here?” I have all these history books at my home that I have bought over the years intending to read, but never reading because I don't have time. Then there is chess, I love to read about chess. So, its just like I want to know everything – yet, its more of the experience of acquiring the knowledge that I like, it's the rush of finding out something new, something that no-one knows. Yet, this addiction to the rush of learning something new takes up too much of my time. I spend a lot of time on this addiction. Then there is the application part. Now when it comes to applying what I know, that is a low-energy engagement. That is not so exciting. I go into resistance to actually apply what I have learned. So, I occurred to me one day, actually a while back, that I don't care about what I learn as much as the experience of acquiring the knowledge and information. I am addicted to the acquisition of knowledge and information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to a system construct of knowledge and information by merely taking in information, when I understand it to become knowledge, and then I leave it at that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be enslaved by knowledge and information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the acquisition of knowledge and information with a positive feeling / good experience that I have pursued within and as constantly researching information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself and limit myself as someone who is smart because I look up information and have a huge knowledge base.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to hide within being smart because I have felt stupid in the past or defined myself as stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel / define myself as stupid / unintelligent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to others within and as defining myself as less intelligent than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to acquire knowledge and information to make myself look better and feel smarter than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others and then go into depression / self-pity / fear of myself as a result of my comparing myself to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that acquiring knowledge and information or mastering games like chess will make me look better or smarter than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a relationship with acquiring knowledge and information wherein there is a form of excitement that I experience that I have become addicted to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the excitement of the acquisition of knowledge and information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as superior to others because of my great knowledge and information on various topics.

I forgive myself that I have only allowed myself to absorb information when I understand it and it becomes knowledge and I leave it at that. And within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take it to the point of living that knowledge as one with me as who I am because I have gone into emotional resistance to the living application of knowledge.

Thus, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have never actually lived.

Thus, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to actually express myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself within and as the pursuit of knowledge and information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the negative experience of myself within and as the addiction to the acquiring of knowledge and information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others as me through me defining myself as superior to others because of my 'great knowledge and information and because I have taken the 'time' to educate myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am the living word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a slave to knowledge and information and therefore be a slave to society and existence.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that I am this knowledge and information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from knowledge and information.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that in only manifesting knowledge and the belief that I am only knowledge, I manifest systems.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to fully apply everything that I know.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to amalgamate myself with the knowledge and information that I have acquired by walking it as myself and living the knowledge in every breath as me, here.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I hold opinions, pictures, and perceptions, that these are indicators of knowledge and information constructs that I hold in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be opinionated.

I commit myself to the application of knowledge and information to my walk.

I commit myself to me directing me in every breath.

I commit myself to stopping the separation of myself through acquiring knowledge and information so that I can appear superior to others.

I commit myself to stopping my addiction to the experience of learning something new, by stopping and breathing and allocating my time as effectively as possible within the point of learning and then applying everything that I learn.