Saturday, January 18, 2014

Day 118 – SF on Regret

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not speaking-up for myself as a child and young adult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not speaking-up for myself in my current life experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not living life to the 'fullest' because I was too 'shy'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having a better relationship to my father before he passed away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret the fact that I suppressed myself within and as my 'shyness' instead of me living / expressing me in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret that I was too nervous and anxious to speak-up for myself and get what I 'wanted' while growing up and as a young adult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not getting the girls that I wanted because I thought that I was too stupid and boring to talk to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not being as 'cool' as I could have been because I thought / perceived myself to be too stupid and too boring to talk to and thus suppressed myself and within suppressing myself I took myself out of the 'game'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others and then go into fear reactions of self-suppression because within comparing myself to others I judged myself as stupid / inferior and boring / un-stimulating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my childhood and young adult life within the self-judgments that I am stupid and boring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself judge myself as boring and not fun to talk to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the self-consumed / self-centered point of being concerned with what others think / perceive of me. And within that I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live as me here in every breath as one and equal with all beings as self – with no concern fear for what others think / perceive of me outside of the very words that I speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life within believing that I have to entertain others with my words; and thus I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that this is the starting point of the self-judgment that 'I am boring'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in competition with my intelligence because of the self-judgment that 'I am stupid'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others and then go into suppression and hiding from others because of my own self-judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my adolescence to early adulthood with the opinion that I am 'less than' / 'unworthy' to others.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this point of inferiority placed my into a point of competition wherein I later-in-my life began to compete / design myself within the point of presenting myself as smarter-than and fun and exciting to be around.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that in accepting and allowing regret to become me, I exist as regret and am bound to the past – carrying the burden of the past with and as me and in this becoming the past in the present, creating my future based on the past as the past which I have become and so forever continuing my existence of the past as the past in regret – not allowing me to live here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value in things that remind me of the past so that I can feel like I felt in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret moments where I didn't allow myself to speak-up and be heard, but instead held myself back in and as self-suppression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret the moments wherein I didn't speak or say what was here in self-honesty and common sense in the moment, but instead gave into fear and anxiety and when it was too late, sadness and nostalgia consumed me because I didn’t accept and allow me to be self-honest with me myself here.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this longing for the past, this nostalgia is a result of the regret that I hold for the past.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this subtle sadness that I carry with me for the past is a result / connected to the regret that I hold for the past.

I forgive myself that I not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the reason why I did not speak-up for myself was that I feared losing my friends and social experiences that I desired. And within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to manipulate others with my silence / self-suppression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret having lived a childhood through young adulthood within the point of extreme shyness and self-suppression and even within the point of trying to get what I want / manipulate others with my quietness. And within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live regret and nostalgia as me for the past because I did not get what I 'wanted' and therefore desire to go back and get want I wanted with my new 'personality' now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself react in fear and anxiety towards social situations and then hold back, close myself up and suppress myself as thought I wanted to 'vanish' and 'disappear'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself believe / perceive that there is 'unfinished business' within and as my past because I did not express myself to the 'fullest' and did not get what I 'wanted' and did not stand-up for myself in social situations and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the point of regret and then missing / longing for the past – to experience it again so that I can get what I want because of who I am now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself and punish myself within and as the point of regret and wanting / desiring to relive the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an energetic relationship with the past within and as the emotional experiences of regret, nostalgia, longing and missing the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize every moment to the fullest potential.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that 'I am here' and that I make a difference where I am right now; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to make a difference within that which is not existing anymore, which is already gone, which is already past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'pity' myself for suppressing myself within shyness / not speaking up for myself in my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to punish myself for what I could have done / lived different during those years.

When and as I see myself missing the past / longing for the past I stop and I breathe because I see, realize, and understand that there is nothing I can do about it now.

And thus, I commit myself to stop the thoughts, memories, stop fueling and feeding my mind consciousness system’s self-experiential self-interest, to stop feeding my own self-victimization.

I commit myself to push myself to live here in actual psychical reality within what's real – here – where my impact is made on and within every moment that I participate in this reality.

I forgive myself to flag the points wherein I fear taking responsibility, speaking, expressing and being self-directive so that I don't manifest myself within and as the energetic experience of regret, longing, and sadness going forward.

I commit myself to stop living in the past, be here, make a change where you really can make a change in your actual practical living.

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