Day 114 - Time

I tend to get really stressed out and nervous about my time and how much time I have to do things and get things done. If I feel my time is being abused by another, I get angry and frustrated. I go into feeling that my time is being abused when really, in fact, I have wasted my time leading up to the event that / wherein I feel my time is being abused by another. So, I am really frustrated with myself. Within all this, I allow excuses and justification within my mind to allow an outburst of anger. I also have a nervousness and an impatience that I carry with me as if I don't have enough time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in a race against time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be governed by time in that I will go into emotional / energetic mind-possession of fear, anxiety, impatience, frustration, and even anger based upon how much time that I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry nervousness and impatience around with me throughout my day as I rush against time and how much time that I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place time before self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be worried / concerned about time and how much time that I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be nervous and anxious and stressed about how much time that I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be nervous and anxious and stressed as a way to ensure that I will get things done in the amount of time that I have.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I live within the negative / emotional charge / experience of nervousness, stress, and anxiety that I will eventually need to balance the equation within wasting more time doing things that I have charged with positive feeling experience and that I have defined as stress relieving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bounce around like a pin-ball in a pin-ball machine within emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have emotional reactions to time and now much time that I have.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I compound and build negative / emotional charges overtime within my continuous reactions to time, that eventually this will build to a point of an outburst of anger towards someone or something that I perceive to be 'abusing' / wasting my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from time by placing time outside of me within the point of always being in a race against time.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am time, that time is me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to here in every breath regardless of how much time that I have to get something done.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I waste time because I have accepted and allowed various mind-possessions to take over, I create a condition of lack of self-trust, where I don't trust myself to be able to get things done, and then this lack of self-trust is then filled with the emotions of impatience, frustration, and anger, which I project onto others within blaming them for not having enough time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time by being lazy or inefficient within the tasks that need to be done, and then to become worried and anxious about having enough time to get things done. And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set myself to be in a position of not having enough time which builds an energetic fear reaction to the point that I have an outburst of anger – like a cork blowing off the top of a bottle.

I realize that my anger and frustration at others who impose / waste / or abuse my time is really anger at myself for wasting my own time.

I realize that time is simply a measure / a tool to be used to estimate / judge what can be done

I realize that within reacting to time and how much time that I have, that I am separating myself from time and therefore energizing / charging myself experience of myself within the polarity of emotions and feelings.

And thus, I commit myself to breathing and remaining here, placing time as me, wherein simply judge / estimate and then commit myself to doing what I can within the amount of time that I have, and then doing it and stopping all resistance to getting things done by breathing and stopping thoughts before they compound to a point where I become mind possessed and then fail to fall through with my commitments.