I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be
'set-off' into an outburst of anger when I saw my nephew in his
'pouting-pose', eyeballing me from the corner of his eye, as if he
were hiding and as if he were up to something mischievous' from
across room while his mother confronted me about a plane that I did
not break. And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to use this as a trigger-point to go into a fit of
anger.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to
this situation in anger because of memories and judgments that were
already existing within and as me of my nephew and his parents.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in
anger at this situation because of memories of my nephew manipulating
others, especially his parents, into getting what he wants. And
within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself
to say to myself 'no, not this time, this kid is not going to do this
to me!” and then react in anger as a solution.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe
that anger is a solution.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use anger a
solution.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to
control others through anger.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed
by my mind within the point that my mind brought up memories of which
I had judged my nephew as spoiled and manipulative and then 'held'
this against him in this current moment wherein I then reacted in
anger from the point that I believed that I 'could not control'
myself in that moment, more specifically, I believed that 'I could
not allow this kid to get away with this again'.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate
in the thought that 'my nephew can't get away with this again!' and
then connect that thought to the emotional reactions of fear and
anger.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect
fear to the thought that 'my nephew was trying to manipulate me, and
blame me for something that I did not do, and that he cannot get away
with this again like how his parents always allow him to.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in
anger because I feared being manipulated and blamed for breaking my
nephews plane.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in
anger because I could not 'control' myself as a result of my mind was
racing with thoughts and memories and judgments towards my nephew and
his parents.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be captured
by my mind within and as reacting with a race of thoughts, memories,
and emotions that were triggered to come-up when my sister-in-law
started asking questions about my nephews plane and then even more so
when I saw my nephew in his 'pouting-pose'.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself
reacting, yet accept and allow myself to continue reacting anyway
believing that I cannot stop.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the
past through reacting to this situation based on memories that I have
not sorted out and forgiven so that I can live 'here' as the breath
in every moment.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold
memories of the past within and as me / as my mind, and then react to
things and people in my environment because I have attached positive
and negative values to these memories, instead of simply having
memories exist within me within equality and oneness of no positive
and negative value.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress
anger towards my sister and brother-in-law for 'spoiling' their son,
my nephew, and then within this, I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to then react in an outburst of anger
when the 'spoiling' of their son starts to affect me within the point
of being blamed for breaking his plane.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the
realization that when I experience anger, I am really angry at myself
because I have not been honest with myself.
I
forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and
understand that becoming angry at something or someone is a
flag-point to show me that anger exists within me because I have not
been self-honest with myself and have been suppressing this anger
which then resonates and expresses in different ways within my world.
I
forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and
understand that because I had this outburst of anger event, there
exists suppressed anger within me due to my not being self-honest in
certain points within and as my world.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become
angry and go into an emotional reaction of anger, instead of
breathing and stopping myself right 'here' in the very moment,
because I believed that I could not and that I 'should' not stop
myself because of all the thoughts racing in my head at once and one
particular thought in which I feared 'allowing my nephew to get away
with this blame game'.
When
and as I see myself going into a reaction of anger I stop and I
breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to react in anger for any
reason at all. I see, realize, and understand that I do not have to
follow or believe my thoughts. I realize and understand that my
thoughts, feelings, and emotions are not me. Instead of reacting in
anger, I slow myself down through breathing. I pause and breathe
without speaking until I am clear, and then I respond to the
situation with the appropriate words and actions that fit the
situation within what is most practical and best for all.
And
thus I commit myself to stopping my fits of anger through breathing
and stopping my thoughts, and emotions that come up as reactions to
certain events that lead me into an outburst of anger.
I
commit myself to asking myself 'Why and I angry', 'Where did this
anger start? Which points in my world have I not been honest with
me?”
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