Day 125 – SF on My Ego, continued

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the ego of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that defining myself is of ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am the ego of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am not the limited self-definitions that I have defined myself as, as my ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself and limit myself within statements that start with 'I am'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my 'I am' statements are of me and who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize the ego of the mind to define myself as to hide the insecurities, fears, and inferiority that I experience within me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the ego of the mind is the polarity manifestation of the mind as superiority to hide and cover the inferiority and insecurity I actually experience inside myself but do not want anyone to see or notice through fear that they may judge me if they were to see me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I fear others judging me as inferior, I am already judging myself as inferior and then projecting my own self judgment onto others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the ego of the mind through my own self-judgments, fears, inferiorities, and self-definitions all of which are reactions to how I interpret my environment so that I can protect myself and hide from myself – and all of which I believe are real when in-fact are only of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present a deceptive presentation of myself as the ego of the mind, through presenting myself as being superior, so others may think and believe that I am more than I am, more then I really believe myself to be, and that I have not fear.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I fear what others think of me, this is so because of my own self-judgments, my own backchat and internal dialog / conversations that I project onto others as if this is what 'they think' – when it is really me fucking with myself all along.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others think of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others may think of me as less than, and inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as stupid and then fear that others will judge / are judging me as stupid / inferior – and within this I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to present myself as 'smart' within the point of being superior / smarter than others so that I can hide my own inferiorities within and as my ego manifestation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the ego of the mind because it is the only way I know to present myself as strong and as a man – to show everyone else in my world that I am a strong, intelligent, capable, man.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the ego of the mind will seek revenge, seek fights, seek conflict to reassert and generate and compound itself within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I see to prove my point – this is my ego trying to reassert itself and strengthen itself within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that trying to prove that I am right / and possessing the need to be 'right' – this desire is coming from me as the ego of my mind within the need to strengthen / re-assert my ego / me as an ego, because of the inferiority experienced as a result of my backchat / internal conversations that I might be wrong or that others might think that I am wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others might think that I am wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being wrong.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this fear of being wrong is of the ego and the desire / need to assert myself as 'right' serves to strengthen my ego / me as an ego.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that participation in the ego and as the ego is addictive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the energy generated through my participation in the ego.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to copy the ego manifestation from father, because I saw my father as the example of me, whom I idolized and wanted to be just like, thus I became the ego to become my father so he may be proud of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the ego of the mind, to use the ego of the mind as a defense and protection of myself through becoming the presentation of 'superiority' so as to hide my own insecurities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a sense of pleasure, a sense of satisfaction, and a sense of power when acting within and as the ego of the mind as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to feel powerful.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that to desire to feel powerful is to desire to have a positive energetic experience of myself to balance out a negative emotional condition that I am existing within and as – all of which is separation of me here, within and as the energy of my own mind and my own ego experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so foolish as to believe that I can get what I want within and as the ego of my mind within the point that to desire anything is the result of self-separation from that very point of desire as if it is not me already.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am not the ego of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the ego of the mind enjoys conflict, fighting, and arguments and thus will always attempt to get involved within such situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as bored which then manifests a 'negative' energetic / emotional experience of self, that I then want to 'balance out' within the point of finding arguments and confrontations to go into to get that exciting 'rush' of energy, which charges up my ego – and within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that if I simply remain 'here' and breathe, stopping all my backchat and internal dialog of which I define myself through thus creating my positive and negative experiences of myself that bounce me around like a ping-pong ball, that if I stop this and just breath – that I will manifest myself as oneness and equality, stopping all of this bullshit.