JTL Day 62 – What does it mean to 'just breathe and be here?'

When faced with the point of writing, I become fearful and anxious as a reaction to the thoughts and actual experiences of not having anything to write about and also not being able to write about points that I have identified. The fear and anxiety reaction then lead to a resistance towards writing and then that leads to just doing something else altogether. So, then, to 'just breathe and be here' would be to not react to those thoughts/memories in fear, anxiety, and then resistance and to simply take a deep in-breath and then followed by an out-breath and just slow down and stop participation in the mind altogether. Then from a point of 'hereness', within being here and not in my mind reacting to thoughts, I simply proceed to write out the points as the point comes up.

Another point that leads to a reaction of fear and resistance to writing is 'judgment'. As I am writing out a point, judgment comes up. I judge what I am writing as inadequate and I also judge the point that I am writing about to the extent that I get confused about whether the point is actually worthy of writing about or not.

So, points of resistance to writing and even speaking self-forgiveness come up, then reactions of fear, anxiety, and resistance follow, then I give-up and find something else to do that can distract me.

Another point that is interesting is that I then 'rely' on my future self to 'save' me by eventually getting to a point where I can 'push' through this 'resistance' to writing, and speaking self-forgiveness, and the future comes and I get know where. In fact, it becomes easier and easier to keep 'waiting' as I have developed a relationship to waiting in that it makes me feel good because within waiting I have not really given up, I will get to what it is that I need to do as soon as I can sort myself out enough to take charge and do what it is that I need to do. So, I am left waiting and hoping, hoping that I will 'pull-it together before I die', on myself to save myself from my current inability to direct myself within and as equal and one living as the breath and free of the energy of the mind.

And I get bored. I get itchy almost, fidgety. I just can't be 'here' writing so, I stop to do this and that and accept and allow myself to get distracted. However, this is a form of a reaction to my 'fear and anxiety' reaction to the thoughts that 'I cannot write out 'points', let alone come-up with any to write about in the first place'.

So, it becomes easy to let time go by and just not deal with this. I remember Bernard, in a video, talking about free-will and how we always do what comes easiest to us, as that is our program, and within that we have no free-will. That, doing that which does not come easy, that is when we begin to really exercise free-will. I see this now. I see that I am not of my own free will when I do what comes easiest, as what comes easiest is definitely not facing myself as my mind and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as my mind.

And what have I accepted and allowed myself to be and become? A pre-programmed mind-consciousness system – artificial life: emotional reactions to my environment and circumstances instead of simply living practical solutions to be walked in breath; and not slowing down enough to truly see inside my mind, to see what it is that I need to stop and what it is that I need to consider so as to be able to stop myself – stop the participation in the energy of the mind and all the thoughts, feelings and emotions that come with it.

So, 'what does it mean to just breath and be here?” It means that I stop my reactions to my world, both positive and negative, and then instead breathe and be right here as the observer of my mind; wherein I examine my mind so as to stop through self-forgiveness and self-honesty because I see, realize, and understand that I am the one who is accepting and allowing the reactions and the resistances to continue on through my participation in the mind and that the measure of how much I actually am breathing is reflected in the speed at which I walk through my process to equal and one living wherein I take responsibility to ensure I do what is best for all in every breath – which is to live here as life as a physical being free of the energy/relationships/reactions/personalities and limitations of the mind.