JTL Day 79 – Impulsive and Distracted

I notice that when working or writing assignments that I will have a fleeting thought, and I mean fleeting like it just is barely there, that draws my attention away to something else and the next thing I know I am off doing something else for a period of time, sometimes just minutes and sometimes for hours.

Like I will be writing an assignment and then pow: I thought comes up “I need to check facebook”, then I go online and 2 hours later I am like 'fuck, what was I thinking”

These fleeting thoughts are not even that 'tempting', I have the ability to stop myself, but still do not most of the time. So, within this I see that I am not exercising self-discipline to stop following these thoughts and stay on track with what I am committed myself to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow 'fleeting thoughts' as they come up instead of remaining here and breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow fleeting thoughts that 'I need to play chess, or piano, or check updates, or go on facebook on line', instead of breathing through these thoughts and remaining here and focused on my task at hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself sabotage myself and my self-commitments by following fleeting thoughts that lead me away from what it is that I have committed myself to do.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to ignore the realization that these 'fleeting' thoughts when and as the come up are intended to do just that – keep me in the mind, within 'exciting energetic experiences', and unable to discipline myself to stay on task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strengthen the control that my mind consciousness system has over me by following fleeting thoughts, instead of standing and stopping those thoughts through breathing.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that these thoughts come up because of my participation in the idea that what it is that I am doing is not 'exciting or fulfilling' and therefore these thoughts are generated as a means for me to 'escape' what it is that I am currently doing based on the way that I have defined my experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the impulses to do something, anything that comes up that I have defined as more fun, when I know deep down that I am creating my experience towards my current tasks and towards the impulses that I have towards other things.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that it is me who creates the experience that work and assignments are not fun and boring and that jumping on the internet or whatever is more fun – And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that certain tasks are inherently more fun or pleasurable than others.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my experiences towards tasks and things that I participate in are complete created by me, based on the way that I have defined myself in relationship to what it is that I do based on the energetic experience that I have towards these things. And within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry on with following impulses and fleeting thoughts so that I can use this as an excuse to 'get away' from my responsibilities and self-commitments when all along all I need to do is to redefine and align my relationship with my self-commitments and responsibilities within and equal and one relationship to what is here in this physical reality, and what it is that I need to get done, without any emotional attachments or reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally to doing things that I have defined and created an experience of boredom towards.

When and as I see fleeting thoughts and impulses coming up, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to participate and follow these fleeting thoughts and impulses because I see, realize, and understand that they are of the mind and are intended to lure me into and experience of energy that I have defined as fun and exciting as a way to keep me from remaining here and in the breath, which I have defined as boring and unexciting.

And thus

I commit myself to stopping my participation in all fleeting thoughts and impulses through breathing and remaining here within and as the physical.

I commit myself to redefining my experience towards things that I do, so that I can create an experience towards tasks that is equal and one in every breath no matter what it is that I do.

I commit myself to equalizing my experience towards writing and working so as to not go into any emotional reactions and stay 100% focused and effective all the way through to completion.