JTL Day 78 – Comparing, and despairing, myself to my partner in regards to process

Recently a certain decision was made pertaining to DIP to me, and then to my partner who is also in DIP. I was expecting the decision to be the same because I view my partner to be participating about the same as me. It turned out that the decision, although similar, is not the same. As as result of this, I have been thinking and stressing that perhaps there is something wrong with me or perhaps I really do not know what I am doing within walking my process and that maybe this is a way for me to get the 'hint as there has got to be a reason' as to why the decision was not the same for both of us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be consumed with worry over this decision not being, or appearing to be, equal for both of us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the emotional experience of fear to the thought that 'because this decision is not equal for both of us, that there has go to be a reason'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the apparent difference in this decision personally, as if there is something wrong with me and that this something wrong is something that I cannot change or do anything about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my process and measure my process with my partner's process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my partner is 'better' at her process than I am. And within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete or go into a form of competition with my partner regarding our process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought 'that this decision is proof that my partner is 'better' at process than I am'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the emotional reaction of fear to the thought that 'this decision is proof that my that my partner is 'better' at process.'

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to approach my process within the point of competition; and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that where I am in process is a reflection of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become within and as the mind, and that it is up to me to move into an 'equal and one living' from where I am specifically within and as the mind, and this is different for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speculate incessantly as to why it is this decision was not exactly the same for both of us, as if I could eventually, psychically, see why it is this decision came to be what it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to control the future by speculating about this decision incessantly as if I can figure out 'why' through speculation and as if this will actually change anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that this fear that my partner is 'better or more capable' at her process than me is revealing to me that I have not been taking self-responsibility to do everything that I can to walk my process effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that it is up to me as to how effective I walk my process within the point that even if there are areas of process that are difficult for me at first, to react to this in fear and intimidation and to participate in thoughts like 'I cannot do it, I am not capable' and 'this is proof that I am not capable' are all thoughts and reactions of the mind, of me defining and then reacting to my energetic experience towards process, in separation from everything that is here, as an individualized mind-consciousness system, and not of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility in walking my process to the fullest extent of what I have the time to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the idea that 'there is nothing that I can do to effectively walk my process more effectively because I am just not capable of doing so and understanding the material to the extent that is necessary; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the emotional feeling of “helpless” helplessness towards these thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am helpless to change my situation and walk my process more effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within reacting to this decision in a form of helplessness because I fear that there is nothing that I can do to walk my process effectively, go into the emotion of despair.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the emotional experience of fear towards the potential that my partner will be walking her process while I am not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the emotional experience of fear to the idea that my partner will realize herself as life, while I remain enslaved to the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of my partner's process and her writings because I have participated in the thought that 'her writings must be better than mine because of this decision.'

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that all these reactions, fears, and ideas towards my partner and myself, because of this decision being apparently different, are all created within my mind as a result of my participation in energy and energetic experiences of these thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and are not a real equal and one living, of life. And within that I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that all I need to do is to stop these reactions, emotions, thoughts, and fears, and breathe and then direct myself to do what is practical in walking my process effectively.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my reactions and fears towards this decision are showing me that I know that I have not been walking my process effectively within the amount that I participate because I see, realize, and understand that if I had been, I would have the self-assurance that I am doing everything that I can and that I can simply make adjustments to my walk when and if necessary to further align myself into a real 'equal and one living'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel resentment towards my partner because of my participation in the idea that 'I am the one who led her to the Destine material and that if she winds up walking her process and realizing herself as life, while I do not, that would really suck”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the emotional experience of resentment toward my partner when she gets attention from Desteni because of my participation in the thought that 'she would not be here if it were not for me'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my partner as me, as a reflection of me, by reacting towards her.

When and as I see myself going into reactions of fear, intimidation, despair, helplessness, and jealousy, and incessant worry, towards and about my process and my partners process, and having thoughts that 'I am not able and capable of walking my process effectively, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to participate in such emotions and fears and thoughts because I see, realize, and understand that by doing so I am separating myself into my own mind and not living here within the breath as the physical, as all as one as equal, as me, and thus these thoughts and emotions are not a real assessment of who I really am.

Thus I commit myself to, when and as I see myself going into these reactions and fears towards my process and my partner regarding my process, stopping and breathing and not participating by remaining here, in the breath, breathing.

I commit myself to also walk solutions to my process into a living reality, breath-by-breath when and as I see deficiencies or areas in my process that I am not walking or initially able to do effectively.