JTL Day 85 – Always resetting the date, and pissing me off.

I was talking the other day on the phone to someone who fabricates my countertops. I sell countertops, and he makes them. He called to tell me that he would not be able to make the date set for installation. He called late in the evening the 2 days before installation – the 2 days being the weekend. I answered the phone calmly, and then reacted in anger when he had let me know he could not make the date set.

I was really mad because of a few things. First, the date set, is the date that he set. I always set dates for installation based on when my fabricator tells me he can make it. Secondly, he always calls to let me know he cannot make the date at the last minute, that he sets. Thirdly, I did not want to let my customer down.

It is interesting how calm I was at first when he called. I was calm and cool, yet I knew that he was probably calling to let me know he could not make the date. And a few sentences in, when he let me know he was going to be late, I got all pissed-off and started yelling him things like 'why do you even give me dates if you cannot make them?” and “I just need to add 5 days to any date that you give me” and “you need to work over the weekend to make the date we set”.

I have had these altercations with him before. In fact, I am so used to him resetting installation dates, that I am like going into all these thoughts just seeing his number on my phone like “oh shit, here it goes again” and “he better not be calling to reset the installation date” and “what now?”. I feel frustrated just getting a call from him. Then, I pick-up the phone and act all cool and calm, until the trigger point comes, when he drops the news that he can't make his install date. Then I like flip, from cold to hot.

I have these thoughts like, 'I am not going to react this time' and 'I don't have to react, I can remain here and just breathe because reacting is not going to help'. Yet I allow myself react as if I cannot stop myself because I have other thoughts going on like “this fucker, he cannot keep doing this” and “I can't stop myself from reacting because he crossed the line” and 'he deserves to have some shit thrown at him because he always does this'. So, as soon as he drops the bomb of 'I can't make the date', I flip over to hot and angry mode and then yell at him things like 'he better make the date' and 'he always does this shit'.

Then, he usually actually handles the situation quite well. He doesn't yell back, and then just explains his case. Usually he does not have the best reasons. Usually, he could have organized his time better, or easily judged his time correctly on the front-end and given me a later date. This pisses me off too. In fact, this is another justification that goes through my head to allow myself to get all pissed-off at him.

Then as we get through all that, I begin to cool off, and then the apologies come. 'I am sorry, I did not mean to yell at you. I shouldn't have talked to you in that way' I say because I feel guilty for letting myself go and yelling at him. I feel extra guilty because I realize that I allowed myself to react in anger when I 'know' better, as if I can cover up my acting out or make up for it or make it OK.

I will go into this point further in my next post.