JTL Day 86 – Always resetting the date, and pissing me off – Part II

I would also like add that another reason I let myself go is that I see my boss doing this to him too. My boss yells at him and then for some strange reason I think it is ok for me to do it to. As if this is just the way you talk to this guy.

So, to break it down, the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that I have when he calls:

Thoughts / back-chats that come up:

• He always lets me down
• He is bad at estimating his time
• Maybe it is good to yell at him harshly because my boss does
• I am like my boss in that I can yell at him too
• I am sick of him always giving me a bad date
• He better not be calling to re-set the date
• Oh shit, here we go again
• I don't want to let me customer down
• I hate the sound of his voice / the way he talks

Negative Energy / Emotions that come up:

• Fear connected to letting my customer down by resetting the date
• Annoyed at the sound of his voice / the way he talks
• Frustrated / Angry that he always does this
• Guilt connected to having allowed myself to once again yell at him followed by desire to have him accept my apology and make-up afterwards

Positive Energy / Feelings that come up:

• Feeling superior to him connected to the thought that I can yell at him like my boss does
• Feeling superior to him connected to the thought that 'I have my shit together, unlike him'

Trigger Point that brings me into reaction mode:

• The moment when he drops the news that he needs to change the date based on the following back-chats and emotions:
• He cannot get away with this
• He cannot always do this
• He has got to learn a lesson
• Fear connected to resetting the date with my customer
• Fear connected to losing my customer due to the fact that the customer may get mad
• Fear of losing business / money
• Blaming my fabricator for screwing up my relationships with my customers
• Projecting blame onto my fabricator when I know that I could have set the schedule with my customer better based because I know my fabricator is usually late.
• Therefore, fear of facing myself – not wanting to believe that I am to blame for this
• Fear of my boss finding out I set the wrong schedule
• Anger that my fabricator always lets me down on this
• Feeling like a victim
• Fear of looking like I don't know what I am doing in front of my customer
• Participating in the thought that 'I cannot let him (my fabricator) get away with this – this is where I draw the line!
• Participating in the thought that 'I cannot 'control' myself from this point'
• Feeling justified because I see my boss yelling at him
• Annoyance at the tone of his voice and the pace at which he talks

Self-forgiveness on the next post.