JTL Day 84 – Am I opening up points as me as my directive awareness, or as my mind?

I was just listening to the video: 2110-speaking-as-awareness-reptilians-part 239 and an interesting point came up that actually fits pretty well with my last post: Is my self-awareness the directive principle of a point or is my mind? This video really applies more to vlogging than blogging, but in this case I am applying to my writing as well.

I have been fearing that perhaps instead of writing out realizations and insights about points from a starting-point of self-awareness, that maybe I am mostly writing out my mind within writing thoughts, memories, pictures, projections, etc. Then I have been having this fear that I cannot see or know the difference and then defining myself as 'I am hopelessly lost'.

So, this video is very cool support in that it points out and then gives direction as to how one can open up points the starting point of self-awareness as the directive principle instead of the mind. I just need to be asking the questions like: Why am I experiencing this point? Who am I within it? What thoughts, feelings, and emotions came up? What triggered them? How do I correct this?. Instead of looking for points to talk about by accessing my mind, wherein my mind will give me things of the mind like memories, pictures, imaginations, projections, etc, I just slow myself down to see where I am reacting, judging, blaming, fearing, etc and then ask the questions I just listed in order to open up these points.

So, these fears that I have been having about my writing – Why am I having these fears? Could it be that I am noticing that maybe I am not always the directive principle of my writings and that therefore I am just splattering my mind on paper, going nowhere?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for points to write about.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that everything is right 'here before me', and that I do not need to 'look' for points.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I look for points, that my mind will give me things of the mind: memories, projections, imaginations, etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot direct a point from self-awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot tell the difference between when I direct a point from self-awareness and when my mind is directing a point.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to ask the right questions when points come up, into my awareness, so that I can assist and support myself to really open a point up from within self-awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, instead, go into the emotional reaction of fear to the thought that 'I cannot open points up from the starting point of self-awareness'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought that 'I am not capable of opening up points from the starting point of self-awareness'

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see the simplicity in just asking the question “what is coming up in relation to this point that I see”

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I am not the directive principle when looking at points, that my mind will then take over and start throwing up thoughts, memories, imaginations etc thereby confusing the point and making it difficult to see it for what it is.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that perhaps this experience of 'confusion' when looking at points is telling me that I am not the directive principle as self-awareness, but rather my mind is directing the point.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to slow down and breathe when and as I experience confusion when looking at points as a way to stop my mind and bring myself back 'here'.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to slow down and breathe, and then ask the right questions about myself in relationship to the point so that I can direct the point from self-awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my mind and everything that it 'throws up' regarding a specific point instead of remaining 'here' and breathing and directing the point from self-awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself define myself as 'hopelessly lost' because of my experience of confusion when writing out points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'I just can't tell the difference' of when I am speaking or writing from the starting point of me as my directive self-awareness or my mind.

When and as I see myself becoming confused, intimidated, and fearful when looking at points, I stop and slow myself down and breath, because I see, realize, and understand that this is because my mind has taken directive power over me and the point, and is throwing-up all kinds of bullshit thoughts, memories, projections, and imaginations etc to direct the point for me.

And thus,

I commit myself to directing points from the starting-point of self-awareness by asking at least three of the following questions (or any questions that open up the point to further investigation) to really open up points, such as:

-What does this point mean to me?
-Who am I in relationship to this point?
-How does this point affect me or others or my world?
-How am I reacting?
-What is triggering my reactions?
-How can I apply myself to re-align myself within oneness and equality within this point?