JTL Day 87 – Always resetting the date, and pissing me off – Part III, Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with the thought that 'he always let's me down' when I see my fabricator calling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my fabricator as 'bad at estimating his time.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the idea that 'it is OK to react harshly to my fabricator because I see my boss doing it.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger to my fabricator when he calls to reset his date because I have seen my boss do this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the idea that it 'must be OK to react to my fabricator, because of the idea that I hold that 'this is how people talk to this guy'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to the desire to 'be like my boss' within the point of being able to 'yell and become angry' at our counter-top fabricator. And within that, I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel 'good about myself and superior' when I behave 'be like my boss'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that 'I am sick of my fabricator always resetting the date.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear when my fabricator calls connected to the thought 'oh shit, hear we go again'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the idea of letting my customer down because of resetting the date.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my fabricator for letting my customer down and the emotional experience that my customer might have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in the anger to my fabricator resetting the date because I am blaming him for my customer's potential adverse reaction to this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/define/label my fabricator as 'not so bright' because of his pace of speech and ability to articulate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in annoyance at the sound and pace of my fabricators voice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am superior to my fabricator, in that I am more intelligent compared to his speech patterns. And within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and others as superior/better/smarter and inferior/less than/dumber based on they way they talk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the emotional/energy experience of being 'annoyed' at just hearing my fabricators voice on the phone because I have judged/labeled/defined his voice and manner of speaking to be unintelligent and 'inferior.'

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that if I think of myself as superior, or feel superior in acting out abusively towards others, then that must mean that I really feel inferior: in-fear-and-horror, of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with the thought that 'I am smarter and more 'together' than my fabricator when I hear his voice'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the idea that 'I hate the way my fabricators voice sounds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the emotional/energy experience of 'hatred' connected to the way my fabricator's voice sounds, because of the memories of hearing him on the phone letting me down on dates he set.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the emotional/energy experience of frustration at just seeing my fabricators phone number on my phone because of memories of him letting me down on set installation dates he set, in the past. And within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the past, of and controlled by memories, instead of remaining 'here'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act-out in anger and frustration towards my fabricator at the trigger-point of when I hear that he is beginning to go into resetting the installation date.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my emotional reactions of anger, annoyance, and frustration, when he calls until he drops the news that he needs to re-set the installation date which acts as a trigger-point for me to act-out and begin to yell and speak harshly towards him.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to remain 'here' and breathe at the moment he calls so as to stop myself from participating in thoughts, emotions, and feelings that come-up when I see him call that are connected to memories of past experiences that I am holding onto. And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the past, of memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought that 'I cannot allow him to get away with this again!' when he starts to let me know that he needs to re-set the installation date.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the idea of my customer getting mad at having his/her installation date re-set.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to implement the practical solution to adding a few days to the dates that my fabricator sets so that I can help avoid missing dates, and within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my anger and frustration is with myself that I have not taken the practical steps of adding time to the dates my fabricator sets because I know that he is not good at estimating time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the way someone else might react.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the loss of money.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the resetting of dates because of my participation in the idea that 'I don't want to let my customer down, because that may cause me to loose money'.

I forgive myself that I have ignored the realization that I have created this experience of fear within my own mind, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own made-up fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my fabricator for 'screwing up my relationships with my customers' and then to use that as justification to act out in anger towards him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place responsibility in maintaining my relationships in my fabricator, instead of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the idea that 'my customer may think that I don't know what I am doing when I res-set the fabrication date'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought that 'I cannot let my fabricator get away with resetting these dates again' and then within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use that as justification to act out in anger towards him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the idea that 'I cannot control myself from this point' when my fabricator begins to let me know that he cannot make the date that he set, because of all the suppressed thoughts, feelings, and emotions that I have at that moment that I believe need to be 'released'.