JTL Day 88 – Always resetting the date, and pissing me off – Part IV, Corrective Application

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the emotional experience of guilt as way to 'feel' better about the fact that I accepted and allowed myself to react to my fabricator in anger and frustration to my fabricator.

When and as I see myself going into this pattern of back-chats that come up when seeing my fabricators phone number on my phone, followed with the emotions of frustration, fear, anxiety, and annoyance that all build up within me, because of memories of the past and fear of the future, that I release within 'acting out / yelling, talking fast and raising my voice at the trigger-point of when he lets me down by resetting the date of installation, I stop and I take deep breaths, in-and-out, so as to remain 'here' in the breath, in the physical. I see, realize, and understand that this is a pattern, based on memories and fear of the future, followed by back-chats and emotions that are all reactions as a way to 'protect' myself from what I fear happening – and within that, I see, realize, and understand that I am living in the past, being driven by memories, to protect myself from the future by loosing myself to the mind and within that I am not 'here'.

And thus,

I commit myself to remain here, in breath, breathing and stopping the back-chats and emotions that come up when I see the phone number of my fabricator on my phone and this whole pattern starting to repeat itself.

I commit myself to taking practical solutions like adding time to my fabricators installation dates.

I commit myself to working out the points that came-up within this post, in future posts, so as to assist me in remaining here, within and as the physical in the breath.